Southpaw Jones

Southpaw Jones presents

Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
CNN.com is my choice for internet news, and I can’t really tell you why. Habit, I guess. Let’s look at today’s Latest News:

* 2 more deaths may be linked to bad spinach
* Bush ‘taken aback’ by Pakistan threat story
* Magnetic train crashes on test run
* Hezbollah chief celebrates ‘victory’ over Israel
* Pope asks Muslims to meet
* Girl troubles may have prompted school attack plot
* Cop’s beanbags level man holding gun to head
* Dragged woman identified, was mother of 3
* Woman cut dead baby out of cousin, cops say
* CNNMoney: Playskool recalls toy after kids die
* SI.com: Steelers star cited after dogs kill a horse
* Eat a hissing roach, be first on roller coaster
* ‘SNL’ makes cast changes, cuts

Let’s see, nothing about Iraq. Spinach is deadly, I knew that already. Bush was “taken aback” by something, big shock. Wait ’till they tell him Laura is a robot. Hezbollah, Pope, Muslims, all sounds like news to me. Now here’s where it always gets weird, about six stories down. The foiling of a school attack plot is certainly relevant, but the fact that it was motivated by “girl trouble”? Not so much. Are bean bags the greatest invention ever? Relaxation? Check. Non-lethal civilian control? Yes. Then we hit the ultra-violence against women section, with dragging and cousin-cutting. That’s gross…I’m trying to eat my cereal for realz. I love that the story about dead children appears under “CNNMoney”! What are these dead kids gonna do to precious Playskool’s profits? Oh, what!?!? Let’s see, a “sports” story about dogs and horses. An amazing guarantee or threat about eating a roach to ride a roller coaster. I suppose the tag line should be, “Don’t worry, you’ll puke it out in a minute on this hot new ride!” Saturday Night Live cast update, gotta have that.

It’s strange, when you watch a mainstream news program, although it may be laughable, it usually doesn’t seem too bad. But with the stories listed like this, it’s not hard to see that modern news has become A Current Affair and Hard Copy rolled into one. Five actual news stories, and EIGHT stories that are sensational, irrelevant, pure entertainment, or just freaky. We like our candy, and I go back day after day.

Southpaw Jones presents

More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:
I joined Maggie at Bookpeople last night to see Chuck Klosterman read from his new book, Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas. I’m not much of a reader, but I enjoyed several chapters of Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, and I recommend his writing to anyone who tends to overanalyze pop culture and pretty much everything.

I also continue to fall in love with the author lifestyle. This guy flew into town, walked down some stairs to appear before a few dozen people, read a chapter of the book, answered questions, and signed copies. Even he acknowledged how strange it is to have people waiting in town after town to listen to you and ask you what you think about stuff. And when you’re done, you go home to write more stuff and do it all over again. Me likey.

Southpaw Jones presents
Retro Blog
Real journal entries from elementary school:
February 14, 1986
[An altruistic but honest young Paw.]

Yes, I like Valentine’s Day – not because I get presents – not because I get cards – because I like to give people things. I like to see people happy, but those other things I just talked about are some reasons.

Southpaw Jones presents

Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Tears? She always has plenty in stock, and always at the ready, standing on guard awaiting her instructions regarding the manner of their dispatch.
Juvenal, Satire 6

Southpaw Jones presents

Silly games for silly times:
Here’s a fun game to shake out those built-up frustrations on a Friday. Just click the screen with good timing to help that Asian Jeremy Piven break the ice! Good luck, and watch out for the face!

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents

Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
Life is like a brown towel; you don’t have to clean it as often as you should.

Life is like an 11×17″ poster; if you can’t find the perfect frame, hang it on your wall anyway.

Life is like a dear in the headlights; it’s waiting for you to make the first move.

Life is like a crime wave; you hear about it first from your mother.

Life is like a simile; folks think they know how to use it, but they have no idea.

Southpaw Jones presents
Retro Blog
Real journal entries from elementary school:
February 13, 1986
[I was an odd kid.]

At our Valentine party I was reaching into my bag and a hand came out! I yelled, “Ahh!! The Twilight Zone!” Then the hand came out and something else did too!
“Help, help, I crashed! Help!,” it said.
“Who are you?” one child asked.
“I am Love Machine from Love Land in space! Where nobody ever wants to leave! But I left because Hator, Leader of the Hate Army started a war and is winning!”
“We should tell the president!”
Then we did tell the president, and he said a ship to the moon would be going soon and that we could send him to the Love Land from there. Love Machine didn’t want to, so I said I’d go with him. Word went around about me, the first kid on the moon. Then the day came. Blast off!!! Then we were on the moon and we saved Love Land!

Southpaw Jones presents

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:
One who breaks up a grouping.
Highlight here for answer: [cluster buster]

Southpaw Jones presents

Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
A dramatic critic…leaves no turn unstoned.
George Bernard Shaw

Southpaw Jones presents

Humility is our only hope:
1] gluttony
2] leftovers

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents

Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
I caught Mike Judge’s Idiocracy last night with friends, and I really dug it. It is quite funny and quite mean, and I can understand why the companies featured in the film would be upset. We were lucky enough to eat at Fuddruckers immediately before it was brutally portrayed onscreen. Word on the street is that 20th Century Fox just wants to bury the movie, hope that nobody sees it, and forget about it. There may be a little too much truth in it. But because Mike Judge is from Texas, the film showed in Houston, Austin, and Dallas (without any promotion as far as I know). I’m guessing that despite the company’s best effort, Idiocracy will be huge on DVD. Read more about it at the often faithful Wikipedia.

Southpaw Jones presents

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:
Equestrian provider
Highlight here for answer: [horse source]

Southpaw Jones presents

Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Life doesn’t imitate art. It imitates bad television.
Woody Allen

Southpaw Jones presents

Moving pictures because technology allows it:
The best of the Daily Show’s Even Steph(v)en:

The Ginn Sisters present
Something’s Gotta Go!
One of the following must cease to exist except in your memory. Which is it?

DESSERT or APPETIZER
Discuss!

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents

Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
Well, I was going to write about my favorite ACL festival moment, which was seeing Willie Nelson blow all those young rockin’ scamps out of the water with country, soul, rock, jazz, and Texas magic. He was amazing at 73-years-young. If you have or haven’t seen him, if you like or dislike his music, if you can’t see or hear, just go to a Willie show for the vibes, man! Yes, I could elaborate on all this, but for now, I must say that Louisiana sucks:

Country Singer Willie Nelson, 4 Others Cited for Drug Possession
By VOA News
19 September 2006

Authorities in the U.S. state of Louisiana have issued misdemeanor citations to country singer Willie Nelson and four others for drug possession.

Officials say they found 680 grams of marijuana and about 85 grams of narcotic mushrooms on Nelson’s tour bus during a commercial vehicle inspection Monday.

Louisiana state police said in a statement that police searched the bus after detecting a strong odor of marijuana from the vehicle during the inspection.

Police say Nelson and the four others on the bus were given the citations and released. The 73-year-old Nelson, whose hit songs include “On the Road Again,” has been a vocal advocate for legalizing marijuana.

Listen up, citizens, State Troopers, and all reasonable people: A bus containing Willie Nelson, his Family Band, marijuana, and narcotic mushrooms can and will result only in POSITIVE THINGS. This is 2006, and I ain’t gonna preach, but damn. Let’s get our priorities straight. Don’t make us come over there, Louisiana.

Southpaw Jones presents

Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:
One section of the vast field of bikes outside the Austin City Limits music festival:

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

Herman Haiku #7

Once he put lipstick
on Deb’s mouth. But he never
helped her “over fence.”

Southpaw Jones presents

Humility is our only hope:
1] loneliness
2] marriage

Southpaw Jones presents

Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
Frank Zappa

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents

Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
So late today. I’m going to have to recover from ACL today. For now, here’s who I caught at the mega-fest:

Friday:
Wolf Parade
Nickel Creek
Van Morrison

With brushes of:
Thievery Corporation
Ray Lamontagne

Southpaw Jones presents

More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:
Saturday:
The Shins
Calexico
The Raconteurs
Willie Nelson
Massive Attack

With brusehs of:
Aimee Mann

Southpaw Jones presents

More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:
Sunday:
Jack Ingram
Matisyahu
Ween
The New Pornographers
The Flaming Lips
G. Love & Special Sauce
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (from VERY far away)

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

Herman Haiku #6

In prison he cared
for hogs. Deborah was his
favorite: sweet, black.

Southpaw Jones presents

Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
You don’t need any brains to listen to music.
Luciano Pavarotti

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.