Southpaw Jones

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents

Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Today’s entry will feature parenthetical back-up singers. They are three beautiful, soulful women in tight black dresses, and I recommend imagining them throughout your day for extra power and diversion.

I simply must (I SIMPLY MUST!) tell you about yet another fine Austin weekend (WEEKEND!). Friday found Maggie and me at the release partay for the 2007 Naked calendar (12 MONTHS!).
THIS JUST IN: I got a flash this morning to put a little coffee and half/half in my instant maple/brown sugar oatmeal. DO NOT waste your life wondering how good this tastes. “Bring Joshy at half-time, ‘cause I’m bustin’!” Back to you, Southpaw.

Thanks, Southpaw. As you may know, I appeared (WILL APPEAR!) in the 2006 calendar, hogging the whole of December and proving that Jack Frost only takes what you voluntarily give him. (WE’RE ROUGH!) In 2007, the calendar features Idgy Vaughn, Jon Dee Graham, Kacey Crowley, James McMurtry and others who also performed beautifully Friday night. I jumped on stage (will all my clothes on) to play The Cruelty of Teenage Girls, Legitimate Film, and Everyman. It was a’fun.

Saturday found me jumping in a van with Matt the Electrician, Seela, and Jon Greene to play an annual Halloween party in Garland, Texas (JUST OUTSIDE OF DALLAS). It took a record six hours to get there. Two hours just to get out of Austin. Two more hours just to get through Dallas. But I read an Austin Chronicle back to back (WHICH HE LIKES TO DO), I completed my first Sudoku (SUDOKOOO), and I ate a fabulous jalapeno, sausage, and cheese kolache from the legendary Czech Stop. So I can’t complain. (NO, HE CAN’T!)

The show that night was strange and fun. Everyone but we musicians was in costume. Dead folks, margaritas, and rednecks watching us sing our songs (EE-YONGS, EE-YONGS). There was a fine chili cook-off inside. Our stomachs were filled with chili and Halloween candy as we headed back to Austin around midnight. Matt the Electrician is a champion driver, and he lugged us all home while we slept and digested. (DON’T BE STANK!)

Southpaw Jones presents

More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:

Sunday, sweet Sunday allowed me to wake up slllloooooowwwwly. Around mid-afternoon, I managed to get some shorts on and run around Town Lake. ‘Twas a beautiful day. (DON’T LET IT SLIP AWAY!) At one point, I stopped to mount a bench and look out over the water, when what should appear on my iPod shuffle but “Rainbow Connection” sung by Kermit himself. Nice work, Pod!

That evening, I surprised Maggie by taking her to a short performance of Flaming Lips songs by elementary school children. The Palm School Choir, to be exact. It was precious to the max. All the kids were in costume, they had occasional group choreography, and they came around begging for candy after the show. We brought peanut-butter M&Ms from Maggie’s freezer.

Then it was time for dinner, which meant finishing off the Soup Peddler’s Lobster Bisque and Salmon Feta Quiche. Mmm.

I realize that weekends really turn me into “one of those self-obsessed bloggers.” You don’t have to tell me. (YOU’RE SELF-OBSESSED, YES!)

Finally, we headed to the Elephant Room on Congress to hear some jazz. My first time at the Elephant Room. Life checklist! Jon Greene and Seela performed as part of Torch, and John and Mary from Top Hat Recording were there to capture the live performance on tape. After a couple of drinks, it was time to go home, go to bed, wake up, and…go…to…worque.

Happy Monday! (AND MANY MORE…)

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

there is the pain of
getting caught. so i have a
nia class slogan

Southpaw Jones presents

The Corazon Free Trade Lucha Libre Mask Collection:

LA PARKA!

Southpaw Jones presents

Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
It is fatal to be a man or woman pure and simple: one must be a woman manly, or a man womanly.
Virginia Woolf

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents

Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Sorry the Gazette arrived so late today. “Things are hectic at the office.” No, I never thought I’d be saying/typing that either.

Anyhoo, thanks to Tom & Rhonda for an excellent dinner last night. And for left-overs!

I thought I’d celebrate Friday with some euphemisms. Enjoy!

Euphemisms for SEX and/or MASS LAY-OFFS:
1. shucking the corn
2. expelling the boys
3. trimming the fat

Euphemisms for DEATH and/or A HANGOVER:
1. the great gorge of mystery
2. cosmic headache
3. really, really dehydrated

Euphemisms for PASTRY BAKING and/or CORPORATE CRIME:
1. poking the white man
2. browning the goods
3. buttering the croissant layers

Southpaw Jones presents

The Corazon Free Trade Lucha Libre Mask Collection:

SUPER RATON!

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

we are free! but it
costs us ten bucks per session
plus various pains

Southpaw Jones presents

Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Euphemism is a euphemism for lying.
Bobbie Gentry

Southpaw Jones presents

Silly games for silly times:

Here’s another crazy French game…guide that snake with your arrow keys, my friend! I found it here.

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Southpaw Jones presents

Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

An exerpt from yesterday’s White House briefing:
THE PRESIDENT: You’d expect us to work closely with that government to come up with a way forward that the government feels comfortable with. And there’s probably going to be some bones of contention during these discussions, but, nevertheless, we’ll respect the fact that the Iraq government is sovereign, and they must respect the fact that we’ve got patience, but not unlimited patience.

Q What happens if that patience runs out?

THE PRESIDENT: See, that’s that hypothetical Keil is trying to get me to answer. Why do we work to see to it that it doesn’t work out — run out? That’s the whole objective. That’s what positive people do. They say, we’re going to put something in place and we’ll work to achieve it.

Uh, is it just me, or…nah, no way. No a’whey! The President of These United States seems to be implying that…I’m having trouble typing it, because it’s just so…ludicrous. Is that the word? Surreal? What kind of world is this? Ok, I’m just going to breathe. Count to ten.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Si…arggh! I can’t do it! THE PRESIDENT IS THREATENING TO TAKE MILITARY ACTION TO OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT THAT WE INSTALLED IN IRAQ…AQ…AQ…ack. Talk about the snake head eating the head on the opposite side! I can’t even wrap my head around it. Is he saying that Iraq is not ready for democracy? I thought it was God’s gift to every living creature, even the woodland gnome! They can’t handle God’s gift?

Seriously, his insinuation is scarily close to this: “My fellow Americans, our country has invaded another nation under false pretences, creating perhaps the worst fiasco in modern history. I have asked America’s president, our president…well, me…I’ve asked myself how I could allow this to happen, and how I’m going to fix it. I tell myself that I don’t know and that, frankly, I don’t like to be rushed. So I reply to myself that I can’t just wait forever, and I may need to take action against America. They are severely disappointing me, and I am disappointing them. I respect the fact that they/we are a sovereign nation that sort of elected him/me, but I disapprove of myself, their president, me. He wants a drink so desperately, and I have to fight him every step of the way. My point is this, America, I’m going to war against you/us/myself. It’s time to stop this madness and this madman.”

Southpaw Jones presents
Lazy Links
Something way more entertaining that I can offer:

300 Love Letters!

Spike Gillespie presents
Spaiku!
A look at her world / seventeen syllables and / three lines at a time:

we leap-dance with our
inner children and colored
invisible scarves!

Southpaw Jones presents

The Corazon Free Trade Lucha Libre Mask Collection:

EXPECTRO!

Southpaw Jones presents

Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

Ingrid Bergman

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

I gotta take the day off today, friends. Sorry about that. Enjoy these mummies dancing: