Forgive me while I take a little year-end break. In the meantime, feel free to enjoy the last five months of The Southpaw Jones Fun Time Gazette by searching the Archives or the Categories on the left. Thanks for stopping by!
Southpaw Jones presents
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
We made it to another Friday and another Christmas, friends. I had a lovely Italian dinner with my darlin’ Maggie last night. Today, I’ve got an office potluck for lunch and a caravan down the Trail of Lights this evening.
As I mentioned before, I’ll take next week off from the Gazette before I come blazing back on Tuesday, January 2, 2007.
For now, some random thoughts:
= I just don’t enjoy the sound of Gloria Estefan’s voice.
= Ultra-dark chocolate is quite the short term investment in flavor. You put it in your mouth, then three hours later, it really starts paying off.
= I’m beginning to doubt the existence of Santa Claus.
= As adults, we don’t get anything to play with and enjoy on Christmas day. You open your socks or DVDs or gas grills, then sit around reading instruction books or quietly realize just how odd your family is.
= I wonder what Willie Nelson does during the holidays.
Happy Holidays to you and yours! Thanks for visiting southpawjones.com!
Southpaw Jones presents
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:
Ten reindeer waiting to fill in for Santa’s usual crew:
1. Flavin
2. Fanta
3. Cromwell
4. Stickler
5. Britney
6. Chortle-Snap
7. Stalin
8. Chim-Chim
9. Grout
10. Manic
Southpaw Jones presents
Scared of Santa!:
Southpaw Jones presents
Silly games for silly times:
Go on…don’t be scared!
Southpaw Jones presents
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:
My sweet Maggie and me at the American Money Team fancy holiday party:
See you in ‘07! Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.com
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
Southpaw Jones presents
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
Matt the Electrician and I had a fun night at Café Mundi last night. Thanks to everyone who came out.
Today, I’d like to give a big “humbug” to gift cards. Don’t get me wrong, now, I enjoy receiving them and spending them. By all means, if you have one for me, please don’t hesitate to gimme, gimme, gimme! But generally, in my humble opinion, it’s gotten out of hand. Some info-bits:
Graphic courtesy of cardweb.com.
About 80 BILLION dollars will be spent on gift cards this year.
About 8 BILLION of those dollars will go straight to retailers due to forgetfulness, loopholes, and whatever.
Best Buy claimed a profit of 43 MILLION dollars in 2006 due specifically to unused gift cards.
So it’s great for retailers, no doubt about it. And more power to them. If some bloke doesn’t care to spend free money, then yeah, the retailers should keep it and roll around in it.
But it’s more the message and idea of gift cards that bothers me. Let me oversimplify and say that there are three ways one can spend money: Needs, Wants, and Charity. Am I leaving anything out?
In America, we have a great deal of trouble controlling our Wants. Folks in my particular neighborhood are not exactly skinny and lacking. [Except for the gypsies, of course.] I don’t make gobs of money, but I do pay my bills, and when I Want something really, really bad, well, I can usually spring for it. Especially items under $100, well over the gift-giving range. So when someone says, “Here, go get something nice and silly for yourself.” Frankly, that’s nothing new. I do that ALL the time. SEVERAL times a week. Lunches out, new CDs, Snickers bars, red wine, etc.
Let me use an example here: Say I’ve got a friend Joe. No, say I have a friend in a flowing nightgown named Consuela. Yes, much better. Consuela decides to buy me a $20 gift card for Best Buy. I decide to buy Consuela a $20 gift card for Macy’s. In an instant, that’s $40 that can no longer possibly be used for Needs or Charity. Consuela can spare $20 when she Wants to. That’s obvious, after all, she spent that on my card. And I can certainly spare $20 when I Want something. I Wanted to spend it on her card.
But from an outsider’s perspective, let’s say someone who has trouble paying for Needs, this all must look like a sick joke. There’s even a commercial now that blatantly showcases the strangeness of two men exchanging identical cards. We are saying to the universe, “We are the richest country in the world, and I declare that this $20 MAY NOT be spent on Needs or Charity, the best ways to spend money. NO! I want my friend or relative to spend this money on something they don’t even really want that badly, or they would have already purchased it. DO NOT buy groceries with it. DO NOT buy gasoline or electricity. DO NOT give it to someone less fortunate. Your house is filled with toys, and I want you to stuff one or two new ones in there. You deserve it.”
I’m really not a Grinch or a Scrooge or a Christmas Jerk, I swear. I just think we should get back to that old Mafia tradition: Mysterious Envelopes of Cold Hard Cash. It may not be more thoughtful, but it really is more respectful. What do you think?
AND ANOTHER THING
Southpaw Jones presents
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:
Here’s a charming letter from Republican Rep. Virgil Goode Jr. of Virginia. So far, he refuses to apologize.
Photo credit: cnn.com
Thank you for your recent communication. When I raise my hand to take the oath on Swearing In Day, I will have the Bible in my other hand. I do not subscribe to using the Koran in any way. The Muslim Representative from Minnesota was elected by the voters of that district and if American citizens don’t wake up and adopt the Virgil Goode position on immigration there will likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran. We need to stop illegal immigration totally and reduce legal immigration and end the diversity visas policy pushed hard by President Clinton and allowing many persons from the Middle East to come to this country. I fear that in the next century we will have many more Muslims in the United States if we do not adopt the strict immigration policies that I believe are necessary to preserve the values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America and to prevent our resources from being swamped.
The Ten Commandments and “In God We Trust” are on the wall in my office. A Muslim student came by the office and asked why I did not have anything on my wall about the Koran. My response was clear, “As long as I have the honor of representing the citizens of the 5th District of Virginia in the United States House of Representatives, The Koran is not going to be on the wall of my office.” Thank you again for your email and thoughts.
Sincerely yours,
Virgil H. Goode, Jr.
70 E. Court St., Suite 215
Rocky Mount, Va. 24151
Wow. First off, it would be hard to get a Koran to stay up on a wall. That’s some hefty tickty-tack. Second, every educated adult knows that “values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America” include theft, genocide, slavery, and tea-related terrorism. Stop talking baby talk! Third, when he uses “swamped,” I think he means “drained.” Fourth, if this guy were in charge, we’d have never scored Einstein, Frank Capra, Schwarzenegger, etc. Shut up, Mr. Goode. Take your tight-fleshed Rocky Mount face out of your butt.
Southpaw Jones presents
Scared of Santa!:
Southpaw Jones presents
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Jacob Marley: In life, my spirit never rose beyond the limits of our money-changing holes! Now I am doomed to wander without rest or peace, incessant torture and remorse!
Ebenezer: But it was only that you were a good man of business, Jacob!
Jacob Marley: BUSINESS? Mankind was my business! Their common welfare was my business! And it is at this time of the rolling year that I suffer most!
Scrooge (1951 film)
Southpaw Jones presents
Moving pictures because technology allows it:
An early Christmas present for my sweetheart, the ultimate collection of feline follies:
Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.com
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
Southpaw Jones presents
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
Come on out tonight!
Wednesday, December 20th, 2006
8:00 PM
Southpaw Jones & Matt the Electrician
Cafe Mundi
‘Twas the week before Christmas
And east of downtown
Empanadas are baked
To a warm golden brown
The Southpaw was hung
And quite proud of himself
While Matt’s new CD
Was for sale on the shelf
The audience was nestled
All snug in their chairs
While visions of better shows
Danced in their heads
When out in the parking lot
Some wild thing ran loose
I thought to myself
“Is that our long-lost Bruce?”
Around to the window
I turned quick to see
But it was just Santa
A’quiverin’ with glee
More thirsty than a beagle
He ordered a beer
And said, “I got presents
For all y’all in here!”
He reached in his sack
So miraculously small
He pulled out a Corvette
And one Bocce ball
Some dude got a blender
Some chick scored a Wii
There were trinkets and truffles
And treacle and tea!
He gave Matt a trumpet
And an old pewter Noid
I looked in my lap
And saw nothing but void
I looked up at Santa
As a tear traced my nose
“You got nothin’ for me, elf man?
This Christmas blows!”
He said, “Ah, yes, here’s something”
I said, “What is it? What??”
“A free trip to Houston,
You ignorant slut.”
I just started sobbing
When I heard that last jab
Then he walked out the door
And left me with his tab
So I took out my crossbow
To reclaim my honor
I spoke not a word
I just aimed right at Donner
But I never fired
For whatever it’s worth
For Matt had just given
Spontaneous birth
To a miracle baby
We knew to call Milo
“Merry Christmas to all,
Most farms have a silo!”
Southpaw Jones presents
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:
I recently sat down for an interview with Russ and Wendy from the Austin Daze, a local zine and web site. They have a unique style in that they ask you questions then publish exactly what you say. ‘Twas a bit nerve-wracking, but I came off as not-too-big-an-idiot. Here’s an excerpt:
AD: For lack of a better word, do you find it hard to be a struggling musician?
SJ: I’m in Austin, so I think that I’m thriving artistically. But I have to spend 40 hours at a job just so I’ll have insurance and a roof above my head. No, I don’t feel like it’s a struggle. If it was a struggle, I’d probably stop doing it because I’m lazy. There are rewards and they are not always monetary.
AD: What is the best thing and the worst thing about being in a thriving music community?
SJ: The best thing is the Austin community of artists and listeners who somehow, no matter how far out I throw my stuff, they pick up on it and they don’t act like the words and melodies that I write are inherently strange. The worst part of it is going out of town after being spoiled by that and people just looking at you with their heads tilted to one side. It’s too much, I guess. I get people saying, “We are going to have to get you back to the asylum, boy” and that kind of thing. I don’t really think my songs are that weird, it’s just not what is on the radio. I speak to a different side of the brain and a different side of the heart and all that stuff.
“All that stuff,” indeed, Southpaw. You can read the whole thing at AustinDaze.com. Long live the Daze!
Southpaw Jones presents
Scared of Santa!:
Southpaw Jones presents
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.
Chinese Curse
Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.com
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
Southpaw Jones presents
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:
Welcome, friends, to another edition of The Southpaw Jones Fun Time Gazette. I’ve been going since August and feeling pretty good about the whole thing. Thanks for stopping by from time to time. Today, I’m asking for comments, suggestions, criticism, whatever. I plan to take next week off for the holidays, so this week I can wrap up the year and see how I might improve southpawjones.com in 2007. So do me a favor, click on the comment link, and let me know what you think! Which feature do you like best/least? What would you like to see more/less of? You get the idea…
Southpaw Jones presents
More verbosity with velocity and viscosity:
I love music, and I love when music makes me love music all over again in a fresh way. I was listening to John Aielli’s Ekelektikos on KUT during my lunch break a few days ago, and I heard some lovely crooning over crisp jazz piano. I did a little research and discovered it was Bill Evans on piano and Tony Bennett on vocals doing Some Other Time.
It’s not a holiday song explicitly, but it feels very wintery and appropriate for all the craziness of the season. It could be about lovers, friends, family, or all of the above. Check it out on
if you like, and peruse the lyrics below. I bought the entire 1975 album, myself, and I’m digging the heck out of it.
Where has the time all gone to?
Haven’t done half the things we want to.
Oh, well, we’ll catch up
Some other time
This day was just a token,
Too many words are still unspoken.
Oh, well, we’ll catch up
Some other time.
Just when the fun is starting,
Comes the time for parting,
But let’s be glad for what we’ve had
And what’s to come.
There’s so much more embracing
Still to be done, but time is racing.
Oh, well, we’ll catch up
Some other time.
Southpaw Jones presents
Scared of Santa!:
Southpaw Jones presents
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Hast thou not acted against sincerity?
Hast thou not felt ashamed of thy words and deeds?
Hast thou not lacked vigour?
Hast thou exerted all possible efforts?
Hast thou not been slothful?
Kurita Takeo’s Five Maxims
Southpaw Jones presents
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:
Cool zipper pic from Grow a Brain:
Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
southpawjones.com
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
