Monthly Archives: December 2006

Simply having a wonderful Monday time.

December 11, 2006 – 10:00 am

Southpaw Jones presents
interesting Simply having a wonderful Monday time.
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Monday
Were it up to me
Neither your Mon
Nor your Day
Would haunt me
Every seventh rotation

You say
“Ah, but Tuesday
Would take my place
As your tormentor.
Would he not?”

I say
“No, I don’t think so.
Tuesday would never do that to me.
We’re buds. We’re pals.
His tone is calmer
And he’d do a great job
In your stead.”

You say
“Blech.”

Monday, dang you!
If you and I were in a wrestling match,
I would pummel you into submission.
No, I would hold you down for the count:
ONE! TWO!
Then I’d pick you up arrogantly
And beat you up some more
ONE! TWO!
Nope, not quite done.
CAMEL CLUTCH!

I want to hear you say
“My name is Monday,
And I quit.”

If you were pizza dough,
I wouldn’t even top and cook you.
I’d roll you out until you were paper thin.
Until you covered the whole state of Texas.
Then, I’d release 3 million toddlers to run all over you
And blow their noses on you.
And roll their Tonka trucks on you.
And have tea parties with you.
And pee on you.

If you were a gym,
I’d buy a membership
Then grunt really loud all day
While lifting weights
Until your entire clientele
Got fed up and stopped coming.
Then I’d throw a dumbbell
Through your front window
Burn you down
And pee on you.

Monday.
I hate your guts.

Southpaw Jones presents
iPawed [Original]
Pound for pound, the best sounds around. For free!

SOUTHPAW’S 10 DAYS OF XMAS! FREE MP3s of my 10 “Greatest Hits,” available for a limited time. Get ‘em and share ‘em while you can!

Whoops! I completely let this slip last week, and I apologize. Next on the list, from Live @ Bongo Java, is a song about the little things that separate people in day to day life.

ipawed Simply having a wonderful Monday time. Tinted Windows

Southpaw Jones presents
museum Simply having a wonderful Monday time.
Scared of Santa:

15539902 Simply having a wonderful Monday time.

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

Visual Kit for The Blood of Jesus
USD $124.95

img136 Simply having a wonderful Monday time. Including:
Crown of Thorns
One Crucifixion Nail
Cat of Nine Tails Whip
Tabernacle Felt Set
Life-size Latex Heart Model
Kids Discover Magazine on Blood
Scarlet Cord with Tassels
Cardboard Ark of the Covenant
img137 Simply having a wonderful Monday time. Cardboard Brazen Altar
Instructions to Make High Priest Costume
Instructions to Make a Temple Veil
Chef’s cap for High Priest’s Crown
Judge’s Gavel
Simplicity Patterns for Bible costumes

Southpaw Jones presents
quotopia Simply having a wonderful Monday time.
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Garrison Keillor

Thank you, come again!

southpawjones.com
southpawjones.com
http://myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Comment (0)

Chestnuts roasting on a Friday fire…

December 8, 2006 – 10:00 am

Southpaw Jones presents
interesting Chestnuts roasting on a Friday fire...
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

It’s Friday, my friends. I’m tired, and I don’t feel like writing too much today. I do want to thank you all for stopping by this week. We had 169 visits yesterday, and numbers like that keep me going. So please continue to spread the word and make the Gazette a part of your weekday routine. Oh, and enjoy the four fun Friday things I have included below!

I do want to share a quote from an e-mail I got today. I work for a company hereby known at American Money Team, and our big holiday shindig is coming up. We each get three drink tickets. Alcoholic drinks, mind you! So of course, here is the stern warning to avoid any significant fun following the consumption of said beverages:
On occasion, overindulgence may lead an individual to exercise poor judgment. This could include engaging in conduct that may be viewed by others as offensive, unprofessional, inappropriate or unwelcome. Please remember that the company’s policies with regard to comments, jokes, remarks, innuendo, unwelcome touching and other behavior considered inappropriate as a matter of company policy apply in the context of a work party as well as in the office. The spirit of the season should not lead any employee to believe that the general rules of decorum and respect for co-workers do not apply. Failure to adhere to company policy, even in the context of a work party, may result in disciplinary action.

It’s official, there is no such thing as adulthood. All those things we were told as children about freedom and consequences and personal responsibility? Those were all lies. We’re all still in pre-school, where even parties occur under the cumulonimbus cloud of “disciplinary action.” Way to kill my buzz, AMT.

Southpaw Jones presents
spjtv Chestnuts roasting on a Friday fire...
Moving pictures because technology allows it:

KITTEN VS. PUPPY: APAWCALYPSE MEOW!

Southpaw Jones presents
prints Chestnuts roasting on a Friday fire...
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:

Ok, don’t freak out! This picture will look like it’s moving until you focus on one spot for a few seconds. Slowly, calmly…yes, you’ve got it.

optical illusion Chestnuts roasting on a Friday fire...

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

Adler’s Silverplated Holder & Tabasco® Sauce 2oz
$15.00

4066 detail Chestnuts roasting on a Friday fire...

Southpaw Jones presents
fool Chestnuts roasting on a Friday fire...
Silly games for silly times:

This guy REALLY wants your cursor. And he usually gets what he wants. Good luck! I found the game here.

Thank you, come again!

southpawjones.com
southpawjones.com
http://myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Comment (0)

Miscellany Photo

Thursday Claus is comin’ to town.

December 7, 2006 – 10:00 am

Southpaw Jones presents
interesting Thursday Claus is comin to town.
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Two fleas from Sheldon
Met three ants from Roth
Their talk was observed
By an old, wizened moth

He saw that they could not
Decide or commit
On whether to wrestle
Or teach English Lit.

Teach English Lit.
Or summer in Rome
Infest a poor puppy
Or ransack a home

Form a fine combo
For jazz and for blues
Or form a bug web site
For gossip and news

Start up a business
That sells shiny things

Shiny things?
Shiny things!
That sit atop rings!

A jeweler, you mean?
Yes, a jeweler, Irene!
Now please let me finish
This rhyming bug scene!

Now where was I going
With ants and with fleas?
A twist in the plot?
An influx of bees?

BZZZZZZ!

No, the moth interrupts here
And points out the snow
The holly, the ivy
And folks on-the-go

“Don’t you see that it’s Christmas?’
The wizened moth flarched.
“You should save all this babblin’
For sometime in March.”

“Go be a flea or an ant
As it were
And spend this December
Doin’ what you prefer!”

The fleas and the ants
They considered, at least,
And then they sat down
To a tasty moth feast.

Southpaw Jones presents
museum Thursday Claus is comin to town.
Morgan Hagar’s Abandoned Shopping Carts:

Abandoned012 Thursday Claus is comin to town.

Southpaw Jones presents
quotopia Thursday Claus is comin to town.
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
Cheese – milk’s leap toward immortality.
Clifton Paul Fadiman

Southpaw Jones presents
prints Thursday Claus is comin to town.
Pics of Southpaw, his environ, and his interweb:

Miracle of miracles, the ocean has provided air-tight bags of Doritos for all! Read all about it at The Cellar.

doritos Thursday Claus is comin to town.

Southpaw Jones presents
If I Had a Million Dollars
Unnecessary products that inexplicably tempt me:

The Champagne Parachute! £3.99

chapar lg Thursday Claus is comin to town. chapar alt1 Thursday Claus is comin to town.

Thank you, come again!

southpawjones.com
southpawjones.com
http://myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2006 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Comment (0)

Miscellany Song

Some say love, it is a Wednesday.

December 6, 2006 – 10:00 am

Southpaw Jones presents
interesting Some say love, it is a Wednesday.
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Tonight, I’ll perform at Café Mundi with legend Jerm Pollet and perhaps a special guest or two. Matt the Electrician is off touring the yankee regions with Bob Schneider. I thought I’d share the track listing from our upcoming live CD, which we recorded at Café Mundi in July.

1. No Bruce Tonight (Paw)
2. Black Blackness (MtE)
3. Women, Yes Sir (Paw)
4. Milo (MtE)
5. George (Paw)
6. Tokyo (MtE)
7. Tokyo (Paw)
8. Julie’s Sandbox (Paw)
9. Army of Kittens (MtE)
10. Everyman (Paw)
11. Good Enough (MtE)
12. Hot So Hot (Paw)
13. Champagne 40 (MtE)
14. Moon Whore (Paw)
15. Teenage Dirtbag (MtE)

As you can see, it’s a see-saw match up, back and forth action, and by all accounts, quite entertaining. We’ve got the audio portion of the project complete. Once we finish the art work, some company somewhere will turn it into a real deal commercial CD. So look for that in the new year, and have a happy Wednesday!

Southpaw Jones presents
iPawed [Original]
Pound for pound, the best sounds around. For free!

SOUTHPAW’S 10 DAYS OF XMAS! FREE MP3s of my 10 “Greatest Hits,” available for a limited time. Get ‘em and share ‘em while you can!

An epic love song from my early 20s, also featured on One in the Door, One in the Grave and recorded in a Nashville, Tennessee backyard.

ipawed Some say love, it is a Wednesday. Freshly Picked Flower

Southpaw Jones presents
museum Some say love, it is a Wednesday.
Morgan Hagar’s Abandoned Shopping Carts:

Abandoned008 Some say love, it is a Wednesday.

Southpaw Jones presents
pathetic Some say love, it is a Wednesday.
Humility is our only hope:
1] Christmas shopping at the mall
2] Christmas shopping online

Southpaw Jones presents
quotopia Some say love, it is a Wednesday.
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
I’m shopping around for something to do that no one will like.
Jerry Garcia

Comment (0)

Miscellany Song

You don’t have to call me Tuesday, Tuesday.

December 5, 2006 – 9:30 am

Southpaw Jones presents
interesting You dont have to call me Tuesday, Tuesday.
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Yesterday’s Wikipedia Picture of the Day featured the Pioneer Plaque, a picture message attached to unmanned spacecraft and sent hurtling out of our solar system. It will take a long, long, long time for it to get anywhere interesting, but for now, it is the human race’s floating cosmic business card. It attempts to show where we live, how big we are, what we know about stuff, and what we look like.

To me, it says, “There’s a naked party brewin’ in the Milky Way, and it won’t be the same without YOU, whoever you are.” High five!

Southpaw Jones presents
iPawed [Original]
Pound for pound, the best sounds around. For free!

SOUTHPAW’S 10 DAYS OF XMAS! FREE MP3s of my 10 “Greatest Hits,” available for a limited time. Get ‘em and share ‘em while you can!

The optimistic conclusion to the One in the Door, One in the Grave record:

ipawed You dont have to call me Tuesday, Tuesday. Everything is Gonna Work Out

Southpaw Jones presents
museum You dont have to call me Tuesday, Tuesday.
Morgan Hagar’s Abandoned Shopping Carts:

Abandoned006 You dont have to call me Tuesday, Tuesday.

Southpaw Jones presents
quotopia You dont have to call me Tuesday, Tuesday.
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
Burt Bacharach

Southpaw Jones presents
Lazy Links
Something way more entertaining that I can offer:

Sweet Maggie sent this to me. It’s five quick and easy spelling tests. She and I both missed 6 out of 50 on the first one. How ’bout you?

Bad Spelling

Comment (0)

« Previous Page — Next Page »

Southpaw Jones

Monthly Archives: December 2006

Simply having a wonderful Monday time.

Chestnuts roasting on a Friday fire…

Thursday Claus is comin’ to town.

Some say love, it is a Wednesday.

You don’t have to call me Tuesday, Tuesday.

Upcoming Shows

Meta