Is This Interesting?
Thoughts/feelings that just might not matter:

Hello, friends, and happy Monday to you. The Dot Net Gazette is back in full swing after a breezy post-birthday week. In the foreseeable future, you can count on Five Chunks of Fun, Five Times a Week right here, Monday through Friday, 10 am at the latest. Tell your friends!

It’s time for a long overdue update of the Southpaw Jones Virtual Excursion des Pieds! I must admit, I’ve been slacking lately. In the week before my birthday celebration, if I had to quantify it, I got approximately ZERO exercise. It’s a shame.

Last week, I got back on the horse, which is to say my horse, which is to say myself…I got back on myself to gallop 13 miles outdoors. Yee-haw! So let’s take those 13 miles and add them to my virtual efforts to cross the state border…

Week 1: 30 miles to Taylor, Texas
Week 2: 27 miles to Rockdale, Texas
Week 3: 20.7 miles to Caldwell, Texas
Week 4: 22.3 miles to Bryan/College Station, Texas
Week 5: 21 miles through Gibbons Creek Lake
Week 6: 24.4 miles to Hunstville, Texas
Week 7: 22 miles to Trinity, Texas
Week 8: 24 miles to Crockett, Texas
Week 9: 16 miles to Kennard, Texas
Week 10+11: 30 miles to Rusk, Texas
Week 12+13: 28.6 miles to Mt. Enterprise, Texas
Week 14: DUD
Week 15: 13 miles for a total of 279 miles to…

Lake Murvaul, Texas!

I tell, you what, beautiful Lake Murvaul sits in Panola County. It’s got a surface area of 3,397 acres and a maximum depth of 36 feet. That’s deep! Here’s some fish that live in there:

• Largemouth bass
• Crappie
• Channel catfish
• Flathead catfish
• Bluegill & redear sunfish

Humdinger! As far as fishing goes, you pretty much have to follow state regulations, but there is an exception on this here lake. You can keep bass that are 14 inches and less OR 21 inches or more, up to five per day. Enjoy!

You wanna know the largest fish ever caught out here? I’ll tell ye! It was a flathead catfish, snatched by a man named Jack Bishop. That wriggler was 48.5 inches long, and it weighed 76 pounds! That’s heavier than Nicole Richie!

Exercise is fun!

Rhyme Time!
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Time spent anxiously in the military.
Highlight here for answer: [nervous service]

Online Museum of the Week
Demonic Tots and Deeply Disturbing Cuisine:

From PLAN 59: THE MUSEUM (AND GIFT SHOP) OF MID-CENTURY ILLUSTRATION

Quotopia
Freshly-picked quotes from the ol’ reference collection:

Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh.
Ted Mann, Deadwood

Plumb, Plumber, Plumbest
Signs o’ the times from Austin’s singing Jewish plumber, Herman Bennett:

Thank you, come again!
southpawjones.com
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myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

Seriously, I’ve heard the guy’s name, but I’ve never heard his show. I’ve never known anyone to talk about his show. Who are these Imus-listening people?

Well, we all know his name this week because he called the Rutgers University basketball players “nappy-headed hos.” Or is that “hoes”? Ask Dan Quayle. At any rate, Imus lost some sponsors, then his tv show, then his radio show yesterday.

Don Imus, I hardly knew thee.

Obviously, what he said was awful, rude, and decidedly unfunny. Sexist. Racist. My friends, this is what happens when you try to find comedy in basketball. There is only one group on the planet who has the power to do such a thing, and they are the Harlem Globetrotters. Try to compete with them, and you will be squashed.

I’m sure the incident says something about Don Imus’s personality or sub-conscious or something. He’s a crusty old white guy, you know? There’s bound to be some old-school racism in that guy somewhere.

But I think it says more about the challenge of filling HOURS of talk radio time every day for DECADES of one’s life, trying to be entertaining, edgy, and acceptable all the while.

I was a mass communication major in college, and I’ve often fantasized about having one of those shows. It is a fantasy plagued by visions of foot-in-my-mouth disasters and oceans of unfunny stalling. I admire anyone who can pull it off at all.

So Don Imus said what he said in an effort to be funny, and he fell flat on his face. It’s not like “nappy-headed hos” was on a script somewhere. That would be reprehensible, of course. This guy has been babbling on and on for years, improvising, searching for funny angles, trying to be listenable. I have no idea if he was generally good at it or not, but he certainly must have had an audience to have his radio show simulcast on MSNBC.

Were I in charge, I think a super-strict second chance might have been in order. Make a similar, stupid, 2-second mistake twice, and you’re fired. After all, isn’t this what the blogosphere is for? Irrelevant opinions from powerless people in hypothetical situations?

Since we’re in a firing mood as a country, though, why don’t we fire George Bush for the mishandling of the Katrina aftermath? All this furor over verbal racism sure does seem to be distracting from the scary, neglectful kind that actually results in, you know, PEOPLE DYING.

But I didn’t plan to let today’s Gazette turn into a bramble ramble. What I really wanted to do was present a list for Mr. Imus:

WHAT HE MEANT TO SAY WAS:

1. sappy-headed bros

2. Pap regretted shows.

3. Howard Stern is better than me.

4. happy, wedded toes

5. snappy shredded bows

6. Crap, he let it snow!

7. That wee head! It grows!

8. Frappu-friggin’-ccinos!

9. Trap the ebb and flow.

10. Cap, we breaded those!

11. I’m a stupid shock jock millionaire.

Have a great weekend! The deluxe version of The Dot Net Gazette will return Monday morning with 5 Chunks of Fun, 5 Times a Week!

The deluxe version of The Dot Net Gazette will return Monday morning with 5 Chunks of Fun, 5 Times a Week! For now…

My Five Favorite Podcasts!

Real Time with Bill Maher
Occurrence: Weekly when in season.
Duration:1 hour.

The most amazing thing about this one is that it’s free. I mean, it’s an HBO show, not just on cable (which I don’t have), but pay cable! It’s certainly not what I’d call a visual show, just a guy hosting a discussion panel, really. The jokes and the arguments make the show what it is, and all those are available to any yahoo like me who subscribes! Bonus points for letting me feel like I’m cheating the system. I like Bill Maher. I think he is a strong voice for single, childless adults like me, and he always chooses interesting guests.

This American Life
Frequency: Weekly.
Duration:1 hour.

The #1 Podcast on iTunes, deservedly so, This American Life is the undisputed champion of modern radio shows. Each episode is a tightly edited hour, filled with fact, fiction, comedy, drama, and most importantly, interesting stuff. It isn’t perfect, mind you, and sometimes I’m just not in the mood for the clever, cheeky celebration of everyday people. However, I can count on a good handful of times each week when I really crave it, and I do believe there is a big T.A.L. fan inside everyone.

A Prarie Home Companion’s News from Lake Wobegon
Frequency: Weekly.
Duration: Around 15 minutes.

I love Garrison Keillor’s voice, and I realize it’s an acquired taste. It reminds me of long family car trips from my childhood. A Prairie Home Companion is a variety show, of course, and this is the best part. Mr. Keillor simply weaves a tale or several tales from the fictional Lake Wobegon. If you can stay awake through his calming half-sigh of an oratory, he’ll usually take you somewhere unexpectedly funny or touching. Storytelling is a dying art, and this man is one of our living masters.

Radiolab
Frequency: Who knows? 6 times a year?
Duration:1 hour.

While This American Life corners the market on interesting people, Radiolab rules the roost of interesting science. Episodes come with titles like Space, Morality, Stress, Who Am I? Hosts Robert Krulwich and Jad Abumrad seem to be two very different, very intelligent men who have fun with subjects that deserve attention. If the information doesn’t keep you listening, the amazing sound effects will. It’s the crunchy cookie of the world around us, and I suggest you eat it up!

They Might Be Giants
Frequency: Once a month or so.
Duration: Varied, around ½ hour.

Well, they’re my favorite band, what do you expect? Their podcast contains a mix of studio numbers, rare tracks, and live performances. The only problem is, since I’m already an avid collector, I’ve already heard a majority of the material. Oh, well, it’s always fun to hear their work in different contexts. Long live TMBG!

And long live podcasts. Amen.

The deluxe version of The Dot Net Gazette will return Monday morning with 5 Chunks of Fun, 5 Times a Week! For now…

I LOVE PODCASTS!

Let it be known, my friends, podcasts are:

? free
? varied
? dependable
? workday-filling
? exercise-motivating
? brain-stimulating
? fact-filled
? fun to discuss with significant others

It took me a while to get on the podcast train, but now I’m addicted. I’m lucky enough to have a job where big chunks of my day require my presence but not 110% of my brain power, if you know what I’m sayin’. So I downloaded iTunes at work, subscribed to a bunch of ‘casts, and my day has now become an educational, entertaining experience to enjoy. I also listen to them while walking around the lake or driving long distance.

Do you want to know my favorite five podcasts? Awesome! I’ll tell you tomorrow!