I am still searching for a home for my sweet, parking lot kitten. 60 hours post-rescue, he remains perfectly loveable, he has stopped crying, and his purr box works great. Check out yesterday’s post for more info.

Today, passive voice will be discussed here. Passive voice is when the object of action is placed before the subject and some form of “to be” is used to bridge the gap.

I used to be greatly bothered by passive voice, but now an inner peace has been established.

I used to think blame and credit were left lazily unplaced by passive voice, but blame and credit is needed by whom, really?

Quality life can be lived without that boring old subject-predicate-object form. Isn’t this thought by you?

Would it be so bad if a world were lived in where girls are kissed by boys, trees are climbed by cats, and language is left alone by hoity-toity, ivory-tower-inhabiting dweebs?

A toughening-up is required!
A relaxing of old rules is demanded!
Dawning is being done by a new day!

Passive voice should be used all day today. Proof to yourself that, as a result, your eyes won’t want to be clawed out by you in a fit of rage.

You are thanked for reading.

A kitten is in the animal world what a rosebud is in the garden.
Robert Southey

Damp Cats




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

She’s an excellent masseuse. Being from the Netherlands, she has inherited that amazing…

Highlight here for answer: [Dutch touch]

Thursday, October 25th, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

Long story short, I heard the saddest, loudest crying when I visited the Bank of America ATM (corner of Oltorf/Congress here in Austin) on Friday night. I got out of my car to discover the cutest, tiniest orange kitten. He ran into a pipe, crying, wanting help, but scared. I managed to extract and hold him for 2 seconds before he escaped into a bush. I tried to coax him out of there, but it was too dark, and I lost him. No visuals. No more crying. I circled the bank twice with my windows down and gave up.

I failed.

The next night, I had some fresh money (I am doing THAT well.), so I couldn’t resist. I went back. Same cry. Same pathetic volume and tone. This time, he was up under a large moving truck. I crawled under, we chatted, I cooed, and I snatched him up good!

I gave him two baths and watched him eat half his weight in tuna. Now he’s waiting in my girlfriend Maggie‘s bathroom for a permanent home.

I’m not allowed to have pets in my place. Maggie already has a cat. So I’m reaching out to see if anyone is interested before I try more traditional help. I am willing to donate $30 toward whatever worming, shots, neutering, etc. that Martin needs.

I am pretty sure he’s a boy, and I have named him Martin Lawrence (Mah-in for short.) He’s from the streets, so he has that great air of affection-starved independence that makes for a fun cat. He likes sitting in my lap, but you should know he requires both hands to perform petting duty simultaneously.

He is NOT afraid of other cats. He approached Maggie‘s cat Franklin (about 10 times his size) with no hesitation.

He likes doorstops and sunbeams and eye-contact.

He loves you.

E-mail me at southpaw@southpawjones.com if you can provide a home for him. First come, first served!

If you can’t take him, please tell all your friends about this lovely opportunity!

My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a ‘lone traveler’ and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude…
Albert Einstein

Damp Cats




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

You should really adopt the cat I found over the weekend. He doesn’t seem to have an owner, and he sure knows how to jump around and have fun! You should see this…

Highlight here for answer: [stray play]

Thursday, October 25th, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!

It’s Friday! Can I be silly and not really all that clever today? Of course I can. Here’s a little wordplay I just can’t get out of my head this Halloween month:

In the make-up room of a romantic drama, you hide blemishes with blush.

In the make-up room of a horror film, you create blemishes with puss.

[You get the awful idea…]

In the make-up room of a romantic drama, you’ll find ways to create piercing eyes.

In the make-up room of a horror film, you’ll find ways to create an eye-piercing.

In the make-up room of a romantic drama, you might accentuate cheek bones.

In the make-up room of a horror film, you might need to perform a bone check?

In the make-up room of a romantic drama, you work to bring out choice lips.

In the make-up room of a horror film, you have your choice of lips to bring out.

Romantic drama, bangs.

Horror film, fangs.

Eye lashes.

Eye slashes.

Between the sheets.

Under a sheet with two holes cut in it.

Cleavage.

Cleavage.

Rosebud.

Nose blood.

That’s all I got. Enjoy the rest of the Gazette and do return Monday.

It is women who bear the race in bloody agony. Suffering is a kind of horror. Blood is a kind of horror. Women are born with horror in their very bloodstream. It is a biological thing.
Bela Lugosi, talking all creepy

Snow Pictures by Microscope




One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

You can’t pare saliva, you can’t carve drool, and you certainly can’t…

Highlight here for answer: [whittle spittle]



Thursday, October 25th, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
flipnotics.com