Southpaw Jones

Today is a big day in my little world.

Happy Birthday to Willie Nelson, Once and Future King and President of the Kingdom and Republic of Texas! He is seventy-five years young today, and he’s been making wonderful music live and in the studio for many decades. If you haven’t seen him live, just do it. Just do it! Wherever and whenever you can. I don’t care what kind of music you like. Do you like feeling good? I thought so.

Two years ago today, I went on a first date with a young woman named Maggie, and she’s been my sweetheart ever since. We went to the Blanton Museum for art (opening weekend!), Madam Mams for thai food, and Hole in the Wall for drinks and music. It was a walking and talking affair that lasted about six hours and ended with a kiss on the cheek and brilliant potential. She’s my girl, and I am a thankful man..

I’ll be listening to Willie’s 100-song box set One Hell of a Ride (a birthday present from Maggie), while I celebrate my 2-year anniversary with her, as we travel to West Texas for the bliss we miss in day jobs like this. Can you beat that with a stick? No? Then stick it with a beat. “She’s a good-hearted woman in love with a good-timin’ man…”

We’re heading out tomorrow morning, and we won’t be back until late Monday. I’ll keep the regular features of southpawjones.com going, so keep on coming back and thanks for doing so!

as reported in The New York Times

April 30, 1908
SUFFRAGETTES PROTEST.
The leaders of the Suffragette movement in New York, Mrs. Borrman Wells, Mrs. Lydia Commander, and Mrs. Sophie Loebinger, called upon Police Inspector Cortright yesterday to protest against the lack of police protection given them at their open-air meeting in Harlem on Monday evening.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

The King of Judea has ordered the death of all children under the age of two! He fears the coming messiah! He has also ordered fine lotions and other moisturizing products for personal use. Behind his back, folks in Bethlehem are calling him….

Highlight here for answer: [arid Herod]


Mickey Feio

I consider all Willie Nelson songs locked in an infinite tie with themselves for first place. Why? Judging Willie Nelson songs is like trying to figure out whether you should thank God for the oceans or the mountains.
Todd Snider

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com

How ‘bout some media recommendations today? We could all use a little distraction in these troubled times. Then again, documentaries don’t quite fall into the distraction category, but I love them to death. I like to hug documentaries real tight until the truth explodes from their bookish corners.

In the Shadow of the Moon
Wow, we really sent a bunch of test pilots to the moon before I was born! It’s a shiny, powdery place. Hear the story from those who lived it, and enjoy some wonderful footage and original music.
http://intheshadowofthemoon.com

Darkon
Yes, unabashed live-action role-playing in the parks of Baltimore! Swords, fire, strategy, and betrayal! Thank god someone was there to capture this stuff.
http://darkonthemovie.com

The Unforeseen
This is one that everyone should see, especially Austinites. It details the last few years of development in the Hill Country and its effects on local swimming holes, particularly Barton Springs, the one-of-a-kind miracle in my backyard. Very professionally done, and more emotional and balanced than you might think.
http://streams.twobirdsfilm.com

Dexter
This is not a documentary, but a Showtime series about a serial killer who kills serial killers. Man, that summary sounds awful, but it really is a fine, smart show if you can handle the gore and dark-as-a-dungeon humor. As I watched the 1st and 2nd seasons, I felt a tension and attachment to characters I hadn’t felt since a little program called The Sopranos. Triumph!

as reported in The New York Times

April 29, 1908
FALLACIES ABOUT RABIES.
The Pathological Division of the Bureau of Animal Industry has issued a pamphlet on mad dogs. It states that rabies has increased in the United States, and points to the fact that by muzzling all dogs continuously for a few years European countries have ridden themselves of this scourge. [

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

He’s a decent public speaker, but he concludes every speech by standing still and flexing his muscles for the cameras. If he’s going to be a serious candidate, he really has to drop the…

Highlight here for answer: [posing closing]


Mickey Feio

Old houses were scaffolding once and workmen whistling.
T. E. Hulme

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
except this one…Matt the Electrician plays with Seela…I’m on vacation.
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com

Hovergirl is sick of hearing the question, “Is that it?”

From a distance, folks describe her as “The Girl Who Can Fly,” so their friends and family come running only to find disappointment in the truth. Hovergirl is just kind of stuck, constantly suspended one-foot above the ground by an unknown force. She can’t soar, she can’t walk, and years of floating have left her with rather unimpressive posture. Pull her down to the ground, and she’ll pop right back up to her usual twelve-inch altitude. So, yes, I guess that’s it.

Hovergirl is cynical teenager, a safe dresser, and an average student. She went on talk shows and met the president when she was ten. She even had a bona fide Hollywood agent for a while, but all he could score was a commercial for a children’s anti-depressant called Li’l NumbX. In his last conversation with her parents, he said, “We’re in the age of CGI. If they want someone to float creepily all day, they’ll just wire up Dakota Fanning.”

Back home, she makes a little money singing the national anthem at events in surrounding counties. Her social life is limited to friendships with open-minded girls and comic book boys. She has been on a few dates, but only with members of the basketball team and other tall kids with shoddy hand-eye coordination. The majority of her human interaction involves gawkers. Gawkers at the mall, gawkers at the baseball field, and gawkers at church. She likes to silently time people as they stare at her shamelessly. If they stand there, mouth agape, for more than seven minutes, she assumes they don’t have cable television at home. If they keep it up for more than ten minutes, she instantly incinerates them with her laser eyes. Every girl deserves a few secrets, just like every town deserves a few missing persons.

as reported in The New York Times

April 28, 1908
HIGH PRICES FOR SAILORS.
Santa Barbara Charges $12 for a Room and 10 Cents for Pie.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

“Use dryer sheets frequently to make your clothes more comfortable,” my mama used to say. If she was short on time, she’d simply say…

Highlight here for answer: [soften often]


Mickey Feio

Gossip is charming! History is merely gossip . . . But scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.
Oscar Wilde

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com

Can someone explain how plain rice
Has suddenly shot up in price?
It once was so common!
Do we now munch on Ramen?
I can’t stand that old dorm room vice!
LINK

The primary in Pennsylvania
Wasn’t exactly Obamania
Hillary won it
Did someone de-fun it?
My interest continues to wane-ia
LINK

The muscles of Texas are flexed
“We’ll save cult kids from being sexed!
Now they are free!
Public school and TV!”
From one abuse right to the next
LINK

That galaxy lacks a good blinker
The other’s a known heavy drinker
Hubble-eyed splendor!
Space fender bender!
Doesn’t this place have a sync-er?
LINK

as reported in The New York Times

April 25, 1908
MAN OF 100 WALKS 15 MILES.
Michigan Centenarian Goes to Funeral of Fellow-Club Member.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I’ve got one building for egg-laying chickens and another for good frying chickens. Then there’s this one where I keep birds specifically for inclusion in yummy stews. Last week, we had a bunch escape through this hole here. About a dozen rebels flew the…

Highlight here for answer: [soup coop]


Ice Cream People

A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night, and in between does what he wants to do.
Bob Dylan

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com

That cake doesn’t look half-bad, either. Zing! My sweet Maggie made it for my birthday. As you can see, I also got a good roll of paper towels and two beers. Who could ask for anything more?

as reported in The New York Times

April 24, 1908
ATLANTIC CITY MUST BE GOOD.
Mayor Stoy Threatens Saloon Keepers and Hotel Men.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

You can adjust the mattress firmness to your preference, the integer that helps you sleep best, your…

Highlight here for answer: [slumber number]


Ice Cream People

The knowable world is incomplete if seen from any one point of view, incoherent if seen from all points of view at once, and empty if seen from nowhere in particular.
Richard Shweder

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com