Southpaw Jones

It might be the hardest location
To find a specific vocation
So ain’t it a bummer
That they need a plumber
To fix the john in the space station
LINK

“Bad karma” declares Sharon Stone
Made the Chinese earthquake-prone
Mistreating Tibet
Brought their shaking, she bet
Cosmic cause of Iceland’s? Unknown.
LINK
LINK

“This ain’t the McClellan we knew
Back when he was under our shoe
His new book? All lies!
We’re the trustworthy guys!
And Iran has the bomb now, it’s true.”
LINK

Will spotting a lost tribe remind us
That as much as we think we’ve refined us
We don’t know how to act
And I know for a fact
It would not behoove them to find us
LINK

as reported in The New York Times

May 30, 1908
WIRELESS TALK GOES FAR.
De Forest’s Message to His Wife Is Heard 78 Miles Away.
MARSEILLES — While Lee De Forest was talking to-day by means of his system of wireless telephony from the Exposition Building here with his wife, who was six miles off the coast on board the steamer Ile de France, the conversation was overheard at the radio-telegraph station at St. Marie de la Mar, seventy-eight miles away.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

That wrapped and preserved corpse wants to hang out and get to know me. He even said he’d help me move. I’ve never met such a…

Highlight here for answer: [chummy mummy]


Anteater Coolness

In its essence, any art that relies on words makes use of their ability to eat away — of their corrosive function — just as etching depends on the corrosive power of nitric acid.
Yukio Mishima

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

andersonfair.com

Doors open at 8:00pm

Coach, he loves his whistle
He sings to it in French
If you want to see him bristle
Go give his scar a pinch

If you want to see him samba
You’ll need to wait for rain
His favorite film’s La Bamba
It’s burned into his brain

He doesn’t speak too freely
Unless he feels unheard
Find him napping, really,
E’en though his speech be slurred

You’ll find he’s hooked on gristle
And to mask that nasty scent
He daily dips his whistle
In concentrated mint

as reported in The New York Times

May 29, 1908
OCULISTS OPERATE ON BRONX RHINO
Mogul Was Threatened with Blindness from Cataracts on Both Eyes.
WAS HARD TO CHLOROFORM
Half an Hour in Passing Under the Influence of the Anaesthetic
Mogul, pride of the rhinoceros family in the Bronx Zoological Park, was operated upon yesterday afternoon for blindness, supposed to be due to cataracts. This is the first operation of the sort ever performed on any of the inmates of the Zoo, and the five physicians who were employed on the case pronounced it a great success.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

When I show the kids that the cow has four of these things, their eyes light up with bewilderment. Come sit in on my biology class and witness how the…

Highlight here for answer: [stomachs flummox]


Anteater Coolness

The dog was created specially for children. He is a god of frolic.
Henry Ward Beecher

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

andersonfair.com

Doors open at 8:00pm

Here’s a fun challenge from Mental Floss: “Come up with a clever, witty, fake quote and attribute it to a notable person (real, mythological, fictitious, it’s up to you).” The most popular faux quote wins a free book of real quotes, and that’s just enough motivation for me to make up a few of these things.

“Atchoo, Brute.” – Julius Caesar, having caught a cold from his so-called friend

“Sonar, so good.” – dolphin

“First!” – Adam

“No one bothered to tell me the definition of ‘omnipotent’ until it was too late.” – Satan

“More glockenspiel!” – Brian Wilson

“Always cover up when it’s cold outside.” – Richard Nixon

as reported in The New York Times

May 28, 1908
WARMER TO-DAY.
And Yesterday the Warmest May 27 In 28 Years — 4 Die from Heat.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

He’s the coolest character on Happy Days, and now he’s been cast in 3rd place metal. Let’s go to the park and check out the…

Highlight here for answer: [bronze Fonz]


Anteater Coolness

The happiness which is lacking makes one think even the happiness one has unbearable.
Joseph Roux

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, MAY 28, 2008
7:00 PM
Spike Gillespie’s Dick Monologues
Hyde Park Theater
AUSTIN, TX

dickmonologues.com

________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

andersonfair.com

Doors open at 8:00pm

So ends Memorial Day weekend. I enjoyed myself, scoring some fun in the sun, good food and good mood. That sunshine has to travel 93,000,000 miles to get to us. The least we can do is step out to welcome it from time to time.

Maggie and I went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Saturday night. My tendency is to reserve criticism until everyone in the world has seen the movie. I wouldn’t have wanted someone to reduce my good will before I stepped into the theater, because I was going to see it no matter what. Then again, if someone had accurately described what I was in for, I could have saved 8 bucks and a great deal of head scratching.

So if you want to see it, perhaps you should skip down to the next section of today’s episode. If you’re teetering, I must insist that you rent Raiders of the Lost Ark or Last Crusade and enjoy that old magic instead. I wish I had. Those movies have pacing, character development, dialog, intrigue, mythology, and an epic feel that is sorely lacking in Crystal Skull.

This new movie is a mess and a half.

I walked in with a rock-solid mountain of good vibes and enthusiasm, and the film eroded it down to a molehill long before the credits rolled.

What happened?

What the heck happened?

Will George Lucas ever be involved in anything good again?

Did Spielberg actually approve the final cut of this thing?

Why did he insist on real stuntmen and film yet fill the thing up with crappy CGI anyway? Why did it look so glossy, expensive, and cheap at the same time?

Were there any characters in that movie?

Indy just happened upon that fake town where that big thing happened? Why did the first 20 minutes even happen?

Why couldn’t this movie have been more like Iron Man? That’s just a dumb summer movie, but it’s also fun, entertaining, and somewhat human.

Why all the imperiled crotch jokes?

Why not cut out two or three of the sidekicks and focus on the title character?

This Indy sequel places fourth behind Temple of Doom. I’m glad I saw it opening weekend, but I hope I never have to watch it again. That’s all I have to say about that.

as reported in The New York Times

May 27, 1908
WISHED HE’D DIE, AND HE DID.
Brother Expired After His Sister Said She Hoped He’d Drop Dead.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Oh, that pre-Christian Celtic priest is so graceful! His movements are smooth and unrestrained. Have you ever seen such a…

Highlight here for answer: [fluid druid]


Anteater Coolness

I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you — Nobody — Too?
Emily Dickinson

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, MAY 28, 2008
7:00 PM
Spike Gillespie’s Dick Monologues
Hyde Park Theater
AUSTIN, TX

dickmonologues.com

________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

andersonfair.com

Doors open at 8:00pm

Southpawjones.com shall return in full tomorrow.