Southpaw Jones

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

Here’s the audio of “That’s Our Domain,” which I wrote for Stop Domain Subsidies. Johnny Barnett of Austin Unique helped me record it, and there should soon be a slide show up on youtube featuring the tune.

Do share!

My apologies to Dallas.

Click here if you can’t see the audio player below:
[audio:http://southpawjones.com/mp3/domain.mp3]

That’s Our Domain

If you’re gonna spend money
On stuff you don’t need
Don’t do it near Mopac & 183
‘Cause the profits go off
To some national chain
And the taxes go somewhere
Far from our domain

Developers don’t beg
For cash in the street
They work in back alleys
Where talks are discreet
Our council did nothing
But fall for their bait
And mail the checks off
To a midwestern state

That’s our domain That’s our domain
But our leaders feel
The developer’s pain
That’s your domain That’s my domain
And our city’s loss
Is a wealthy man’s gain
Is a rich con man’s gain

Austin is not quite
A big city yet
I keep on prayin’
Were as big as we’ll get
But if we don’t fight back
When we smell a rat
We’ll end up like Dallas
Plain stuffy and fat

Sales taxes don’t help
To fight crazy wars
They stay here to
Benefit my life and yours
So spend money locally
When it’s an option
And vote in November
For Prop 2’s adoption

Let us be a community we’ll marry our fortunes together…

as reported in The New York Times

September 30, 1908
TEMPERANCE WAVE IN OHIO.
“Dry” Vote Wins in Many County Elections — Republicans Encouraged.
CLEVELAND — Ohio is going after the saloons with a vengeance. Already sixteen counties have held elections under the Rose local option, and every one has gone “dry,” driving several hundred saloons out of business. It is predicted now that when the elections are over nine-tenths of the counties in Ohio will be so.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Can I just pay half of the fee to cross this bridge, or do I have to pay the…

Highlight here for answer: [whole toll]


Honest Products

Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever.
Aristophanes

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2008
7:00 pm
Bettysport
916 A. West 12th St. 78703
AUSTIN, TX
Happy Hour for Austin Duathletes and Austin Runners Club.
www.bettysport.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

I didn’t go to the ACL Festival this weekend, but I did get to go to my first Austin City Limits taping! It featured The Swell Season, Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, the stars and Academy Award winners from Once, which I just watched for the first time last week.

My friend and fellow singer/songwriter Brian Kremer got me a green ticket which got me a chance to get a red ticket which allowed me to get in line to see the show. It is quite a process.

So as not to ruin any illusions, I’ll say that the show is filmed in a beautiful hillside park overlooking the UT campus and the State Capitol building. There was a cool September breeze in the air, and we all sat in the grass at one with nature, music, and frolicking squirrels.

The band was great. Just like the movie, there is seemingly no pretense in them. Their music can be very emotional and intense, which is not usually my bag, but they performed with such grace and realness that I didn’t feel manipulated, just charmed. Lots of laughter, tears, and solid jams.

Did you know that acoustic guitar and acoustic piano sound great together?

As a bonus, they brought up local hero Daniel Johnston to sing a couple of his songs, and they featured Austin’s Conspirare Youth Choir on “Falling Slowly.”

Did I mention there was free beer?

Unbeatable!

as reported in The New York Times

September 29, 1908
AERONAUTS’ NARROW ESCAPE.
Ripped Balloon Shoots Downward, Then Accidentally Forms Parachute.
DUSSELDORF, Rhenish Prussia, Germany — Capt. Von Abercron and Lieut. Von Goltzheim, two well-known aeronauts, had a miraculous escape from death this afternoon during the course of an ascent in a spherical balloon. Thousands of spectators had gathered to witness the ascent and they were horror-stricken at the accident, which occurred high in the air.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I blew all my money on meals and fancy hotels during the first week of my vacation, now I’m broke. My fanny pack is empty, and I can’t even afford batteries for my camera! All I have is my wits and an “I Heart NY” t-shirt. I bet I am the world’s…

Highlight here for answer: [poorest tourist]


Honest Products

Rest is not quitting
The busy career,
Rest is the fitting
Of self to one’s sphere.
John Sullivan Dwight

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2008
7:00 pm
Bettysport
916 A. West 12th St. 78703
AUSTIN, TX
Happy Hour for Austin Duathletes and Austin Runners Club.
www.bettysport.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

There are two really cool parts of a movie critic’s job.

1. Getting paid to watch movies
2. Making up funny, punny headings based on movie titles

I am not a professional reviewer, and I don’t have time to watch all the movies out there, so I’m going to focus on #2: Having fun with titles. I’ll give the name of a current film, then offer some puns for both positive and negative reactions, in the interest of fairness, since I haven’t seen any of them.

A warning: These may be excruciating.

BURN AFTER READING

Negative:
Spurn after Reading this Review!
Take a Ride on the Reading Railroad Far Away from this Picture!

Positive:
Return After Viewing!
Earn Laughter Treating Yourself to this Flick!

LAKEVIEW TERRACE

Negative:
Lakeview Terrible!
Lakeview Tear Us New Ones!

Positive:
Lakeview Terrific!
Enjoy the View! The One of the Lake!

EAGLE EYE

Negative:
An Eagle Just Pooped in My Eye! Figuratively!
It Would Take the Vision of a Bird of Prey to Find the Good in this Stinker!

Positive:
Legal High!
Clear Eye for the Great Spy! (Only an option if there is a spy in the film. Is there a spy?)

as reported in The New York Times

September 26, 1908
Coin Found in a Fish’s Backbone.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Oh, sure, now I’m a crusty, old, large serving spoon with a long handle, but I used to be a cute vessel in my baby bed. Somewhere around here, I still have a picture of that…

Highlight here for answer: [ladle cradle]


Custom My Little Ponies

He is wealthy enough, that wanteth not: he is great enough, that is his own master: he is happy enough, that lives to die well.
Joseph Hall

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2008
7:00 pm
Bettysport
916 A. West 12th St. 78703
AUSTIN, TX
Happy Hour for Austin Duathletes and Austin Runners Club.
www.bettysport.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

I am unable to write anything substantive today, because I am focused on our nation’s economic crisis.

There’s not much I can do, but I am praying constantly to Sarah Palin’s version of God.

Come see my show tonight at Flipnotics @ the Triangle where I will present a bipartisan plan for folk-rock.

8 pm.

as reported in The New York Times

September 25, 1908
JUMPED GAP IN AN AUTO.
Jack-knife Bridge Started to Open as Haynes’s Car Ran on It.
TRENTON, N.J. — The feat of jumping a gap in an automobile was unintentionally performed here to-day at the Perry Street bridge crossing the Delaware and Raritan Canal, and as a result Joseph Haynes of Philadelphia, a pottery owner, is suffering from severe scalp wounds.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I am building a public meeting facility that will only hold the minimum number of people required to get anything done. Would you like to see the blueprint for my…

Highlight here for answer: [quorum forum]


Custom My Little Ponies

You don’t suspend your campaign. This doesn’t smell right. This isn’t the way a tested hero behaves. I think someone’s putting something in his metamucil.
David Letterman, regarding John McCain’s cancellation

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

andersonfair.com

• Financial independence

• Debt-free lifestyle

• Multiple frames of reference

• Cool eyeglass frames and reference books

• Ability to punch a hole through drywall

• Unlimited access to chocolate

• Ability to refuse chocolate

• A connection to the unifying Thing

• Ability to be alone and quiet

• Limiting and recycling one’s waste

• Control of one’s waist

• Never having to smell a stranger’s waste

• Absolute minimum amount of fake laughter, fake conversations, fake sympathy, etc.

• Maximum of genuine laughter, conversations, sympathy, etc.

• Relationships that stabilize you when life drives you crazy

• Relationships that drive you crazy when life becomes too stable

• The realization that everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time, often backwards, often stumbling, often catching their wang in the zipper.

as reported in The New York Times

September 24, 1908
WOMAN WALDORF WAITER.
In Male Attire She Says She Has Served the Vanderbilts.
PHILADELPHIA — Augusta Seib came to this city to-day clad in men’s attire to ask the police if they would molest her if she started a fruit stand and conducted it in male attire. She told how for years she had lived in New York and earned her living as a waiter in large hotels until fear that she would be discovered drove her from the city.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

That hobbit formerly known as Sméagol sure is humorless and somber since he lost his stupid ring. Is there anything we can do to cheer up ol’…

Highlight here for answer: [solemn Gollum]


Custom My Little Ponies

Worry: Interest we pay on trouble before it is due.
John Garland Pollard

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

andersonfair.com