Classic Post: Short Story
Oct 20th, 2008 Posted in Fiction | no comment »It was the first day of winter. Not the first day according to calendars or meteorologists or almanacs, but the first day that Martha really felt it. “It’s gonna be cold for a good long while,” she thought as she licked her chapped lips with her twice-pierced tongue. The first piercing was a mystery, the second an attempt at regaining some modicum of control.
She drove stop-and-go from work while listening to NPR. The reader reported matter-of-fact-ly on Richard Branson and Stephen Hawking, who had recently teamed-up to explore and populate the far reaches of space. “The powerhouse twosome is looking for two lucky and fertile women to take with them,” the story proceeded. “They have randomly placed ten golden tickets in the glove compartments of used cars throughout the States. Their belief is that God should choose the finalists, while a committee of college deans gets final say.”
Martha had bought her 4-door sedan two weeks ago, and though she detailed it with a tooth brush and baby wipes, she had never explored the glove compartment. She was second in line at a notoriously long red light when she reached over to learn her fate. Earthbound and bored or Space Mother of the Future.
She did not find a golden ticket. She found three human teeth and a map of Tuscany.
When she arrived at the apartment, she immediately told her husband about her odd discovery. Not one to be outdone, he responded, “Well, I found a mockingbird nest and an albino’s passport in the Subaru. Did you know there’s a new Beatles record?”
as reported in The New York Times
October 20, 1908
SPOOKS FROLIC ABOUT HIS STUDIO
The Artist at Least Hears Strange Noises and His Dog Gets His Bristles Up.
GIANT SNORES IN BATHTUB
Even a Supposedly Respectable Image of Buddha Has Mysterious Ticks in Its System.
Stuart Travis, the artist, known among his brother artists as the painter of pretty women and smart men, has been entertaining his friends lately with stories of queer doings in and about his studio, on the second floor of the old studio building at 112 West Fortieth Street. Mr. Travis himself has nothing whatever to do with these events, but he would like very much to know who has.
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:
You know that guy Joe that McCain loves so much? He isn’t licensed, he owes back taxes, and he doesn’t make anywhere near $250,000. You’d think McCain would want to find a smart, reputable personification of his ideals, but this Joe guy is not too bright. In fact, I challenge anyone to dig up a…
Highlight here for answer: [dumber plumber]
Entrances to Hell
When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
Cynthia Heimel
EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or
.Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.
Thank you, come again!
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2008 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
