Southpaw Jones

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

Here’s the audio of “That’s Our Domain,” which I wrote for Stop Domain Subsidies. Johnny Barnett of Austin Unique helped me record it, and there should soon be a slide show up on youtube featuring the tune.

Do share!

My apologies to Dallas.

Click here if you can’t see the audio player below:
[audio:http://southpawjones.com/mp3/domain.mp3]

That’s Our Domain

If you’re gonna spend money
On stuff you don’t need
Don’t do it near Mopac & 183
‘Cause the profits go off
To some national chain
And the taxes go somewhere
Far from our domain

Developers don’t beg
For cash in the street
They work in back alleys
Where talks are discreet
Our council did nothing
But fall for their bait
And mail the checks off
To a midwestern state

That’s our domain That’s our domain
But our leaders feel
The developer’s pain
That’s your domain That’s my domain
And our city’s loss
Is a wealthy man’s gain
Is a rich con man’s gain

Austin is not quite
A big city yet
I keep on prayin’
Were as big as we’ll get
But if we don’t fight back
When we smell a rat
We’ll end up like Dallas
Plain stuffy and fat

Sales taxes don’t help
To fight crazy wars
They stay here to
Benefit my life and yours
So spend money locally
When it’s an option
And vote in November
For Prop 2’s adoption

Let us be a community we’ll marry our fortunes together…

as reported in The New York Times

September 30, 1908
TEMPERANCE WAVE IN OHIO.
“Dry” Vote Wins in Many County Elections — Republicans Encouraged.
CLEVELAND — Ohio is going after the saloons with a vengeance. Already sixteen counties have held elections under the Rose local option, and every one has gone “dry,” driving several hundred saloons out of business. It is predicted now that when the elections are over nine-tenths of the counties in Ohio will be so.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Can I just pay half of the fee to cross this bridge, or do I have to pay the…

Highlight here for answer: [whole toll]


Honest Products

Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever.
Aristophanes

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2008
7:00 pm
Bettysport
916 A. West 12th St. 78703
AUSTIN, TX
Happy Hour for Austin Duathletes and Austin Runners Club.
www.bettysport.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576
www.andersonfair.com

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

In honor of tomorrow’s celebration of the lyrics of CRUELTY, here are the lyrics to Everyman. Mr. Brian Kremer will provide the oral interpretation live at Bookpeople. 7 pm! Free beer!

Everyman

I’ll be there when you need me
Like rivers wriggle to the sea
I’ll dig a trench with constancy and patience
Before your car begins to sputter
When your toast needs jam or butter
You’ll never find another man like me
I’ll be your everyman
Your back-up plan
Your biggest fan
For as long as I can

I’ll be there when clowns attack
And when your high school calls you back
To tell you that you never passed geometry
And I’ll be there to hold you in
When slow metabolism sets in
I’ll be your lift and tuck procedure
As well as your
Everyman
Your catamaran
Your VW van
Your luxury sedan
For as long as I can

I’ll be there when toil and trouble
Pop or burst or blow your bubble
I’ll excavate you from the rubble
And I’ll arrive when slippery slopes
And radioactive isotopes
Come callin’ for to dash your hopes
You can count on me
I’ll be your everyman
Your cotton candy
Your mocha grande
Your daily brandy
For as long as I can

Now with this song I don’t refer
To how we are or how we were
But rather how we’ll be as long as you’ll have me
I see a brilliant future coming
Trumpets trumpin’, drummers drummin’
You are my every woman
Glory be
And I’m your everyman
Your Peter Pan
Your Steely Dan
The wind beneath your wingspan
Your open-air CAT scan
Your sunless tan
Your lifetime ban on the Ku Klux Klan
Your Mexican flan
Your everyman
For as long as I can
Not quite done
I’m your everyman
I’m your everyman

as reported in The New York Times

September 9, 1908
SWELTERING IN TEXAS.
At Waco, They Do Say, Wall Paper Is Splitting from the Walls.
FORT WORTH, Texas — A special from Strawn, Texas, a mining town west of here, says that the thermometer yesterday registered 112 degrees, and to-day is standing at 109, with a hot wind blowing from the south. All business has been suspended in Strawn.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Have you seen the latest hippie film? Man, that is one far out…

Highlight here for answer: [groovy movie]


The Condiment Packet Gallery

The world is a looking-glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face. Frown at it, and it will in turn look sourly upon you; laugh at it and with it, and it is a jolly kind companion; and so let all young persons take their choice.
William Makepeace Thackeray

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2008
7:00 pm
Celebrating the lyrics of CRUELTY!
BookPeople
603 N. Lamar
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 472-5050
www.bookpeople.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2008
7:00 PM
Five Things Austin
Do512 Lounge
2208. S. Lamar
AUSTIN, TX
Each artist is given an item purchased at a local dollar store (mundane to insane) and a month to craft a 5-10 minute piece (fiction or non-, musical or otherwise) that involves the item as directly or obliquely as the author wishes. The item is then put on display during, or incorporated into the performance. Featuring Owen Egerton, Spike Gillespie, and more!
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

andersonfair.com

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

In honor of Wednesday’s CD release celebration at Bookpeople (7 pm, free beer!), here are the lyrics for track 4 of CRUELTY. If you already have the CD, you can follow along!

Fatty Arbuckle

Fatty Arbuckle presses his knuckle
Into my noggin, gives me a floggin’
Fatty Arbuckle releases a chuckle
I go for the ball bat, before I recall that

He prefers Roscoe Arbuckle
Roscoe Arbuckle is his real name
I defer to Roscoe Arbuckle
I’m never gonna call him Fatty again

Fatty Arbuckle moves at a fast pace
Good with a sight gag, quick with a pie face
He loved Buster Keaton as well as good eatin’
He dabbled in wordplay and died on his best day

But he prefers Roscoe Arbuckle
Roscoe Arbuckle is his real name
I defer to Roscoe Arbuckle
I’m never gonna call him Fatty again

Fatty Arbuckle accused of a murder
He said they made love, they said he hurt her
Three juries later, Fatty was let go
He wanted to work again, but everyone said no

Now he prefers William B. Goodrich
William B. Goodrich is his new name
I defer to William B. Goodrich
I’m never gonna call him Roscoe again
I’m never gonna call him Fatty again

as reported in The New York Times

September 5, 1908
WRIGHT FLIES AGAIN; ARMY MEN THRILLED
Second Experiment at Washington Results in Remarkably Successful Use of Aeroplane. CIRCLED COURSE 5 TIMES
Then Aviator Brought His Machine to Earth with the Lightness of a Bit of Thistledown.
WASHINGTON — Orville Wright once more demonstrated his mastery of the air late this afternoon at Fort Myer, when he made his second public ascent in the aeroplane, remaining up for 4 minutes and 15 seconds, circling the parade ground five and a half times and traversing a distance of over two and a half miles at an average speed of thirty-six miles an hour.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

When my grandmother had lots of renters, she would bring them downstairs and make them line up according to different criteria each morning. Sometimes by height, sometimes alphabetically. It was her way of keeping life interesting, this constantly changing…

Highlight here for answer: [boarder order]


Animals Squashed Against Glass

A few profit – and the many pay. But there is a way to stop it. You can’t end it by disarmament conferences. You can’t eliminate it by peace parleys at Geneva. Well-meaning but impractical groups can’t wipe it out by resolutions. It can be smashed effectively only by taking the profit out of war.
Smedley Butler

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 10, 2008
7:00 pm
Celebrating the lyrics of CRUELTY!
BookPeople
603 N. Lamar
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 472-5050
www.bookpeople.com

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records or End of an Ear in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

I’m taking yet ANOTHER personal labor day off today, as I live and breathe. To make it up to you, I’m releasing a free MP3 of track one of CRUELTY, Legitimate Film. I also posted it for download on my MySpace. Download, enjoy, and share!

Legitimate Film

Screen door breaks, Mary’s dress tears
It finally fits in with the rest of what she wears
She’s clumsy, never took ballet
And she never made it in legitimate film

Two college courses in the back of her mind
Are fading fast along with how to be kind
She’s graphite, facing some stiff truth
Since she never made it in legitimate film

C’s on her report card
See her try in vain
She never shagged off-screen
She never bowed down to cocaine

Forty-four hours at a meter-wide desk
They pay her bills along with freelance burlesque
Her friends say she deserves better
Still she should forget about legitimate film

And she knows it’s true when she’s alone and tired
It will not hold her back from trying to get hired
But she’s too old. There’ll be no breakthrough
And she’ll never make it in legitimate film

D’s on her report card
D cups hold her down
Decent, yes, but desperate
Descent from clouds to the ground

A weekend warrior wearing last year’s suit
He sits behind her on the morning commute
He’s fifty. Open to most things
A widower and a divorcee, he still wears both rings
He eats chocolate-covered raisins, he drinks half-caf joe
Smiles at every stranger and says, “What do you know?”
He’s humble, and I bet he won’t care
That she never made it in legitimate film

Besides, who ever makes it in legitimate…

You have 18 days to live your life without CRUELTY!.
How shall you spend them?
CD Release Tuesday, July 29 @ Cactus Cafe.

How ’bout a song for this lovely Friday? It’s X-Ray Vision from Bedroom Demos Vol. 1: Zero Demand!

[Audio:http://southpawjones.com/music/mp3/112557.mp3]

If you don’t see the audio player above this line, click here.

You can purchase the song at iTunes, Amazon, and other MP3 outlet stores. Of course, you can order the full CD from this here site.

You’ve got beautiful muscles and a big wholesome heart
Your ribs start together and then drift apart
There’s black in your lung from the smoke of your youth
And some minor decay in your #12 tooth

But I long to look at your skin, your skin
I’m tired of worshipping what’s within
For once I could act like those shallow ass guys
Who stare at your chest, not straight through your eyes

I couldn’t describe the shade of your hair
As well as the shapes in the building back there
The man in that high rise is about to disrobe
So I return my attention to your frontal lobe

But I long to look at your flesh
I’m bored with watching your nerve endings mesh
I’d rather be dealing with your blemished face
Than to know all the routes that your blood vessels trace.

I’ve got x-ray vision and I’ve got no control
I’d rather see wrinkles than another lost soul
And I’d rather see you comin’ through the hole in my door
Than to look down in sadness at the earth’s molten core

There’s a bone in your fried fish
I’d leave that bite there.

as reported in The New York Times

FIVE SERENADERS WOUNDED.
Angry Bridegroom Fires Shotgun Into a Crowd — One Fatally Hurt.
ALLENTOWN Penn. — Five young men were shot by an angry bridegroom, who fired with a double-barreled gun into a crowd of wedding serenaders at Danielsville early’ this evening. It did not become known until to-day that Amandes Miller, a widower of 49, and Miss Tessie Hardwick, who is a few years his junior, had been married secretly two weeks ago.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I need a ride, dude, and I need you to drive really fast. Do you think you can give me a…

Highlight here for answer: [swift lift]


World’s Strangest Looking Animals

Here’s to democracy. May we get the government we deserve.
Rick Mercer

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

TUESDAY, JULY 29, 2008
Cactus Cafe
The Texas Union, 24th & Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
CD Release Celebration for CRUELTY!
(512) 475-6515

utexas.edu/txunion/ae/cactus/index.php