Southpaw Jones » Poetry

Awesome Alphabet Advice

Southpaw Jones — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:00:24 +0000

CRUELTY is now available!
Order the CD now at southpawjones.com.
Purchase MP3s at cdbaby.com or .
Grab a copy in real time at Waterloo Records, End of an Ear, or Bookpeople in Austin.
Or buy one from me any Thursday at Flipnotics @ the Triangle.

Avoid
Baths.

Consider
Dips.

Eliminate
Folly.

Go
Higher!

Investigate
Jokes.

Kindly
Love.

Manufacture
Nudity.

Open
Peepers.

Question
Representatives
Scrupulously.

Tinker
Until
Victorious.

Write.

Xylophone!

Yodel
Zealously.

as reported in The New York Times

September 16, 1908
HELD UP BY AUTO ROBBERS.
Mrs. Theodore French Now Goes Armed While Out Driving.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

One dish features steak, and the next features sushi. The former plate sounds delicious, but I prefer the…

Highlight here for answer: [latter platter]

Wackyfun Food Art Time

The best thing for being sad… is to learn something.
Merlin, The Sword in the Stone by T. H. White

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2008
9:00 PM (Doors open at 8.)
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

http://andersonfair.com

Thank you, come again!
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2008 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

A Batman Cometh

Southpaw Jones — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:00:18 +0000

You have 11 days to live your life without CRUELTY!
How shall you spend them?
CD Release Tuesday, July 29 @ Cactus Cafe.

I had a grande olde time performing at Flipnotics @ the Triangle last night. Thanks to everyone who came out!

It’s Friday, and I’m exhausted. What can I do but write some current events poetry using words that start with consecutive letters of the alphabet?

Another Batman Comes Down
Evoking Frenzied Groups
Hunkered In Jolly Kabob-esque Lines

Make New Optimistic Plans!
Quick!
Reserve Several Tickets
Using Virtual Websites!

(X-ray Your Zeal!)

as reported in The New York Times

July 18, 1908
NOT A RIOT — JUST BEARS.
Growling of Beasts Locked Up with Owners Started Murder Rumors.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

You are such a sloppy eater, you’ve dropped half your sandwich onto your stomach! You could practically open a sandwich restaurant down there! And, of course, you’d have to call it the…

Highlight here for answer: [Belly Deli]

Retro Kid Cereals

He who imitates evil always goes beyond the example that is set. On the contrary, he who imitates good always falls a little bit short.
Jake “The Snake” Roberts

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
www.flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

TUESDAY, JULY 29, 2008
Cactus Cafe
The Texas Union, 24th & Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
CD Release Celebration for CRUELTY!
(512) 475-6515

http://utexas.edu/txunion/ae/cactus/index.php

Thank you, come again!
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2008 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

This Week in Limerick!

Southpaw Jones — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 15:00:13 +0000

This weekend, I’ll attend the Big Range Dance Festival here in Austin. It’s a collection of contemporary dance, and sweet Maggie will perform as part of Spank Dance. Ellen Bartel is the producer/director, and she knows how to put together a wonderful show for the arts lover and the layman alike. Southpawjones.com is an official sponsor. Check it out!

Khalid wants to end up a martyr
So we have to be a touch smarter
Let’s focus his powers
On rebuilding towers
If he raises the dead, we can barter
LINK

Obama, finally champ!
Nominee of the Democrat camp!
He’s meeting with Clinton
Vice-president hintin’?
Oh, when will she give him her stamp?
LINK

Sex and the City proves women
Can keep movie registers brimmin’
Indiana Jones led
‘Till word of mouth spread
I say both films could use some good trimmin’
LINK

It isn’t like stories of old
When wealth-seekers panned in the cold
Thieves drain gas tanks
Without saying thanks
‘Cause gas is the new liquid gold
LINK

as reported in The New York Times

June 6, 1908
ROCKEFELLER FOOLS BOYS.
Two Great Danes Will Stop Their Swimming in His Lake.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Taxidermy class was pretty interesting today. Dr. Stuffem cleaned out the insides of a long-winged songbird, then he brought us up one by one to examine the…

Highlight here for answer: [hollow swallow]

The 700 Hoboes Project

Constant and frequent questioning is the first key to wisdom … For through doubting we are led to inquire, and by inquiry we perceive the truth.
Peter Abelard

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

http://andersonfair.com

Doors open at 8:00pm

Thank you, come again!
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2008 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.

This Week in Limerick!

Southpaw Jones — Fri, 30 May 2008 15:00:59 +0000

It might be the hardest location
To find a specific vocation
So ain’t it a bummer
That they need a plumber
To fix the john in the space station
LINK

“Bad karma” declares Sharon Stone
Made the Chinese earthquake-prone
Mistreating Tibet
Brought their shaking, she bet
Cosmic cause of Iceland’s? Unknown.
LINK
LINK

“This ain’t the McClellan we knew
Back when he was under our shoe
His new book? All lies!
We’re the trustworthy guys!
And Iran has the bomb now, it’s true.”
LINK

Will spotting a lost tribe remind us
That as much as we think we’ve refined us
We don’t know how to act
And I know for a fact
It would not behoove them to find us
LINK

as reported in The New York Times

May 30, 1908
WIRELESS TALK GOES FAR.
De Forest’s Message to His Wife Is Heard 78 Miles Away.
MARSEILLES — While Lee De Forest was talking to-day by means of his system of wireless telephony from the Exposition Building here with his wife, who was six miles off the coast on board the steamer Ile de France, the conversation was overheard at the radio-telegraph station at St. Marie de la Mar, seventy-eight miles away.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

That wrapped and preserved corpse wants to hang out and get to know me. He even said he’d help me move. I’ve never met such a…

Highlight here for answer: [chummy mummy]

Anteater Coolness

In its essence, any art that relies on words makes use of their ability to eat away — of their corrosive function — just as etching depends on the corrosive power of nitric acid.
Yukio Mishima

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

http://andersonfair.com

Doors open at 8:00pm

Sometimes Peppermint Oil

Southpaw Jones — Thu, 29 May 2008 15:00:24 +0000

Coach, he loves his whistle
He sings to it in French
If you want to see him bristle
Go give his scar a pinch

If you want to see him samba
You’ll need to wait for rain
His favorite film’s La Bamba
It’s burned into his brain

He doesn’t speak too freely
Unless he feels unheard
Find him napping, really,
E’en though his speech be slurred

You’ll find he’s hooked on gristle
And to mask that nasty scent
He daily dips his whistle
In concentrated mint

as reported in The New York Times

May 29, 1908
OCULISTS OPERATE ON BRONX RHINO
Mogul Was Threatened with Blindness from Cataracts on Both Eyes.
WAS HARD TO CHLOROFORM
Half an Hour in Passing Under the Influence of the Anaesthetic
Mogul, pride of the rhinoceros family in the Bronx Zoological Park, was operated upon yesterday afternoon for blindness, supposed to be due to cataracts. This is the first operation of the sort ever performed on any of the inmates of the Zoo, and the five physicians who were employed on the case pronounced it a great success.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

When I show the kids that the cow has four of these things, their eyes light up with bewilderment. Come sit in on my biology class and witness how the…

Highlight here for answer: [stomachs flummox]

Anteater Coolness

The dog was created specially for children. He is a god of frolic.
Henry Ward Beecher

FRIDAY, JUNE 20, 2008
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant St. 77006
HOUSTON, TX
713.528.8576

http://andersonfair.com

Doors open at 8:00pm