Did you hear several 3rd graders
Were acting like little Darth Vaders?
They intended great harm
Upon their schoolmarm
Now it’s tough to recruit educators

Obama and bowling don’t mix!
Did he have to let people take pics?
Why must he act normal?
Shouldn’t candidates be formal?
Well, at least he’d defeat thirty-six

He rolled, while Bush simply threw
Out the first pitch as Presidents do
He tossed rather high
Away, yes, but spry
With the crowd sounding resounding boo

The first beasts to partake in sex
Didn’t have arms, legs, or necks
Because they were ropey
The act was plain dopey
They just held on tight like my ex

as reported in The New York Times

April 3, 1908
SEA TURTLE FOR ROOSEVELT.
Problem of Disposing of 350-Pound Gift Solved by the Chef.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

The dictator loved to be greeted out front by a large crowd of hand-picked, coerced supporters. One day, however, he got turned around in his palace and opened the back door to find a great gathering of angry protesters. Alas, it was the…

Highlight here for answer: [wrong throng]


When Geeks Have Children

You are about to have your first experience with a Greek lunch. I will kill you if you pretend to like it.
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

SAUTRDAY, APRIL 19
8:00 PM
Opening for Will Kimbrough
Bend Studio
5014 McKinney Ave. 75205
DALLAS, TX
214.841.9642

http://bendstudio.com

$20, Doors at 7 pm.

A study found fighting one’s wife
May serve to preserve healthy life
Husbands count too
So if I were you
I’d work up some fresh spousal strife

DB Cooper got away with mad loot
Now some kids may have dug up his ‘chute
But unless that wad
Leads to Coop’s fallen bod
It’s back to the endless pursuit

An ice shelf considered secure
Is suddenly loose and unsure
Because it’s so warm
It may take the form
Of vast rising waters on tour

Democrats are losing their sheen
Just name one your king or your queen!
I now follow sport
‘Cause those games are kept short
One champ will soon rise from sixteen

as reported in The New York Times

March 27, 1908
ROBBER’S HEAD BLOWN OFF.
Dynamite Was Intended to Open the Farmers’ Bank at Springtown, Ark.
GENTRY, Ark., March 26. — In a futile attempt to blow open the safe of the Farmers’ Bank at Springtown early today the head of one of the robbers was blown from his shoulders by an explosion of dynamite. The body of the dead robber was found in the bank near the safe.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Yes, I get the spread for my toast from down by the curb! Don’t judge me! I’m as healthy as you are! You don’t know me! Here, try a pat of my…

Highlight here for answer: [gutter butter]


Modern Products in a Vintage Light

The night is a good counsellor.
Portuguese proverb

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com
________________________________________________________________

FRIDAY, MARCH 28, 2008
10:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
The Fairmount
600 W. Magnolia Ave. 76104
FORT WORTH, TX
817.420.9455

http://thefairmountlive.com

________________________________________________________________

SUNDAY, MARCH 30, 2008
2:00 PM
Spike Gillespie’s Dick Monologues
Hyde Park Theater
AUSTIN, TX

http://dickmonologues.com

Congrats are due Heather Mills
Who won from Paul fifty, um, mils
But in the dominion
Of public opinion
She’s only worth two or three bills

Obama had to give a big speech
On things that his preacher did preach
But he didn’t spew hype
Or sound bites of tripe
As adults he was trying to reach

Five years of war running late
Is cause for a renewed debate
But savior or schmuck
Admire his pluck
The Bush years will last past their eight

Nationwide clouds have been cryin’
Snow, sleet, and rain are a’flyin’
Instead of dry states
We’ve got dire straights
Will March’s lamb o’ercome its lion?

as reported in The New York Times

March 20, 1908
ELEPHANT HUNT IN GEORGIA.
People Organizing to Recapture Two Circus Animals That Escaped.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

I like to compliment inanimate objects, especially the blade that makes my face smooth and free of stubble every morning. I say, “You work so well, mister! You are so sharp and precise.” I guess you could call me a…

Highlight here for answer: [razor praiser]


If Celebs Moved to Oklahoma
Jennifer Aniston

The frog’s pee adds to the river.
Haitian proverb

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com

Geraldine Ferraro, where’ve you been?
Making cracks about Obama’s skin?
It is not his race
That helps him to place
It’s more that he’s youthful and thin

Bush foresees a Democrat crater
As they move to a delegate equator
“My party will win it!
Both the House and the Senate
And we’ll greet McCain as liberator.”

Spitzer, turns out, is no saint
Seeing call girls with zero restraint!
But post-Craig and Foley
Gee whiz, holy moly
This scandal feels common and quaint

Some artists become more than fads.
Madonna and Mellencamp are grads
In the Rock Hall of Fame
So is it not a shame
That I still hear their music in ads?

as reported in The New York Times

March 13, 1908
OUR MAIL MAY BE IN JAPAN.
British Officials Say Registered Packages Possibly Went Astray.
The British postal officials are not so confident to-day, as they professed to be yesterday, that the fifteen registered mail packages which disappeared last January were put aboard the White Star liner Celtic and forwarded to New York.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

Did you see the Loch Ness Monster today? Doesn’t it look nice in its fancy new clothes? Everyone is gonna want to come see…

Highlight here for answer: [dressy Nessie]


Great Clocks of Christendom

Light itself is a great corrective. A thousand wrongs and abuses that are grown in darkness disappear, like owls and bats, before the light of day.
James A. Garfield

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com

Zilker Park (Spooky) Kite Festival 2008
Pics by Maggie Wilhite

William F. Buckley is dead
Why not Sean Hannity instead?
Limbuagh’s a tumor
But Buckley had humor
All conservatives should be so well-read

A survey on religion revealed
That Americans wander the field
They try out new faith
Like, I’m on my eighth
This isn’t how Granddaddy kneeled

Obama wearing Somali?
He looks like a homemade tamale
Would the pic stir up fear?
No, it made him more dear!
Did Clinton’s staff cook up this folly?

There once was a village Kivalina
It’s in Alaska, dude, not Argentina
They’re suing they guys
That make oceans rise
‘Cause their town may soon be a marina

That’s this week in limerick, friends! Thanks for stopping by! Come back Monday!

as reported in The New York Times

February 29, 1908
TRIES TO KILL A PRESIDENT.
Bomb Falls to Explode When Thrown at Argentine Executive.
BUENOS AYRES — Dr. J. Figueroa Alcorta, President of the republic, early this evening was the object of an abortive attempt at assassination at the hands of a native of Argentina. He hurled a crude bomb as the President alighted from his carriage in front of his residence. The missile did not explode.

One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:

This particular piece, in ¾ time, is quite good, but this critic cannot ignore its imperfections. Please allow me to list some of these…

Highlight here for answer: [waltz faults]


Hilarious Science Fair Experiments

It is happening, but ever so gradually. Two of every five Americans, according to a 2003 Zogby poll cited by Dr. Nadelmann, believe “the government should treat marijuana more or less the same way it treats alcohol: It should regulate it, control it, tax it, and make it illegal only for children”. The Dutch do odd things, but here they teach us a lesson.
‘William F. Buckley, Jr.

EVERY DANG THURSDAY
with Matt the Electrician
8:00 PM
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
AUSTIN, TX
(512) 380-0097
http://flipnotics.com