Southpaw Jones

I would love someday for my chest to stick out further than my stomach. I suppose this is the dream of most humans.

Say, for instance, I ran face first into a wall.
In a ideal world, what would I like to strike the wall first?

First, I’d go with my gold-plated Lexus. It’d be a shame to ram it into a wall, but this is an ideal world, so I can afford 3 replacements.

But let’s say I’m not riding around town in style. I’m just walking. I suppose my big toe should hit the wall first, as unpleasant as that seems. Then my nose, also a painful striking point.

After my foot and face, though, what next? This is the question of the day.

Currently, I’m afraid my belly would make contact before my nipples. I would like to change this. I have two options.

One: Make my chest larger. This requires lifting weights and devouring protein, both of which I enjoy somewhat.

Two: Make my stomach smaller. This involves aerobic activity and eating sensibly, which I don’t enjoy all that much.

Of course, there is a third option. Hypothetically, if I play as many successful shows as I can, my chest will swell with pride and I’ll burn more calories just jammin’! Yes I like this one the best.
Come on out and support my shape-shifting efforts!

That’s Thursday night with Matt the Electrician, where our song title of the week is “One Horse Race”:

Thursday, February 19, 2009
8:00pm
Flipnotics @ the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX 78751

Friday night, when I return to Café Caffeine for a weekend-initiating solo performance:

Friday, February 20, 2009
7:00pm
Cafe Caffeine
909 West Mary St
Austin, TX78704

Saturday night, when Matt and I visit my old hometown.
Tell your Houston pals:

Saturday, February 21, 2009
Anderson Fair
With Matt the Electrician
9:00pm – Doors open at 8 PM
2007 Grant
Houston, TX 77006

And finally, I want to let you know that Spike Gillespie’s Dick Monologues will follow up a triumphant FronteraFest showing with a performance at the Hyde Park Theatre. For ticket info, email spike@spikeg.com!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Dick Monologues
7:00pm
Hyde Park Theatre
511 West 43rd Street
Austin, TX 78751

That’s all for me and my sucked-in gut.