Happy Halloween! Watch out for candy in your razor blades. Attempted death by chocolate bar is NOT funny, I don’t care where you’re from.
They told us we could dress up at work, so I’m disguised as a comfortable young man in jeans. Boo.
I figure it’s an appropriate time to try an online séance. I’ve never done this before, and I’m certainly no expert, but I’m always ready to try something new.
So here goes…
Spirits of the Interweb! Dost thou have any bored citizens up for a little chat?
Spirits?
YES?
You are a spirit of the Interweb?
YES, YES.
Are you a man or a woman?
WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO BE.
No, seriously…
I AM A MAN. A RATHER TRANSLUSCENT GHOST-MAN WITH AN AVERAGE BUILD.
Wow, this is great! What can you tell me about your life and times?
UM, I’D RATHER TALK ABOUT YOU, HONESTLY.
Oh, well, I guess that’s ok. What do you want to know?
YOUR AGE AND YOUR CURRENT ATTIRE.
Hmm. Well, I’m thirty years old, and I’m wearing jeans and a cotton shirt.
LET’S MAKE IT SEVENTEEN AND NAKED. OMG! YOUR PARENTS DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU!
What? Hold on. Is there anyone else in there I could chat with?
I BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS! I CAN TELL FROM YOUR PICTURE THAT YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL VOICE AND STAGE PRESENCE!
But I didn’t send you…can you just relax for a second? Drop the all caps?
RUN AWAY! MEET ME IN NEW JERSEY! I SHALL TAKE YOU TO ALL THE BROADWAY AUDITIONS YOUR LITTLE HEART DESIRES!
But that’s not really what I’m…
DOWN THE SHORE! WE’LL GO DOWN THE SHORE! YOU WON’T CALL ME A CREEP, AND I’LL BUY YOU OUTFITS AND CINNABONS!
Ok, well, our time is up here.
I WAS THERE THE DAY AMAZON.COM OPENED!
Really? This is the kind of stuff I’m after! What were they selling?
NOTHING AS SWEET AS YOU! YOUR HOMETOWN IS SQUASHING YOUR SPIRIT!
I’m done here.
YOUR FATHER DOESN’T UNDERSTAND FASHION! MY EFFICIENCY HAS NO KERFEW…
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.
Jean Baudrillard
Skull-A-Day
One clue whose answer consists of two rhyming words:
Someone murdered them all in that Little House on the grassy plain there! It is such a frightening, treeless piece of land. The kids call it the…
Highlight here for answer: [scary prairie]
Thursday, November 1st, 2007
8:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Flipnotics at the Triangle
4600 Guadalupe
Austin, TX
(512) 380-0097
flipnotics.com
The New Weekly Show!
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 2nd, 2007
9:00 PM
Matt the Electrician & Southpaw Jones
Anderson Fair
2007 Grant
Houston, TX 77006
713.528.8576
http://andersonfair.com
Doors open at 8.
myspace.com/southpawjones
E-mail southpaw@southpawjones.com
©2007 Southpaw Jones. All rights reserved.
One comment
Good day, my friend. I was reminded by Bill Alderson that it was 10 years ago today that we saw G Love at 328. I’m sure I don’t have to describe the most memorable part of that evening. Most…..anatomically…..incorrect….costume…..ever.